I wont touch it. I promise i wont touch it. JUST GET UNDER THE DAMN TABLE PLEASE.
I caught a rooster roaming Edison Park then released it in the bar. They made me try to catch it again and somebody played the chicken dance while I chased it
I wish you got a notification every time someone masturbated to a Facebook picture of you...
the choice between paying your electricity bill and getting herpes medicine is a tough one.
at roughly 3:30am you called me saying you were gonna start a big game of strip twister in politics class and i was your partner.
Just saw a woman with a Pomeranian in her bra. Way to step up your game Seattle.
My dealer threw in a "freestyle rap" today with my purchase. I dont know if I can handle this relationship.
dude you said you were going to be a human flag and climbed the telephone pole and fell in front of a car
Well i think matt shit his pants so ill mark that as a W
Though the booty shorts might give me an extra discount. Or arrested. We'll see.
You also proposed and then tried to jack me off
Found some boxer briefs on my patio table this morning surrounded by a case worth of empties. Starting to remember why I have rugburn and a sore asshole.
I woke up on some strangers couch covered in salad mix and oatmeal cream pies. The struggle is absolutely real.
I got blackout last night and applied to be a banker
All because of that GODDAMNED MIKE PENCE.
Randomize
