no seriously. she's even got the premier of the real L word on her calendar at work. that lesbian.
she kept her crown on the whole time i was giving her birthday sex
If you see my mugshot on the news tomorrow, its not what you think
I was fucking trucked by the swat team last night on State Street after UK won. But I got a picture with the guy afterwards so I forgive him
You told me if you could get your shoes on, you deserved a coke and rum. We never made it to the party.
Also, I might need your help for a prank involving a hand puppet, a coke bottle, double-sided tape, and my dick...
It took me fifteen minutes to go from puking on my doorstep infront of my old lady neighbor to legit presentable person able to care for children. Bronzing powder and I deserve an award.
My sugar daddy is a bigger asshole than i am. What's wrong here?
In 2014 only three boys have seen my boobs so far
Hey, what's a nice way of saying "Why'd you send me a picture of your boobs last night" without seeming ungrateful?
There's a rash on my genitals that would like a word with you.
I TAUGHT HER CAT TO SIT. CATS DON'T FUCKING SIT ON COMMAND. BUT THIS ONE DID!
It's basically my crowning achievement.
So my step mom just informed me she tells stories about me at work as a form of birth control for the girls that work there, not sure if i should be offended or proud.
So were driving two hours to go to a club and Charles packed me a sippy cup full of tequila. He thinks of everything!
I had a threesome with my hot neighbor and his GF and by threesome I mean I heard them getting it on in their apartment and I was in my apartment with a vibrator
and I may have moaned his name loud enough that they heard me because now he won’t make eye contact
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