help me. he won't leave me alone. he just licked my ear and he's so drunk. get him off me. we're in the closet. help.
how do i tell her that i need alcohol to fuck her but at the same time i cant get a hard on with alcohol.
Just made a coke joke and literally drooled on myself. How do we feel about pavlov's theory of conditioning now?
She's more of a "I'm gonna get herpes no matter how great her face looks like" pretty
Just crossed the line from casual pregrame to public intoxication. Shotgunning in a bus shelter.
It's official drugs can't kill me
I am nonfunctional stoned. I had to ask ben to put me somewhere away from all the people I'm sitting on someones bed watching a wall. Not alright. Should not have come.
I totally just somersaulted to the bathroom to avoid moving out of my fetal position
I don't know if I should be concerned or impressed.
The guy who was The Count on Sesame Street died this week too. Therefore, you should take multiple shots, count them, & go "ahh aaahh aaaahhh" after each one. I expect video...
I think all the stress in my life right now can be directly correlated with never winning a game of Bop It as a child.
They are the perfect team. One always has weed, the other always has cigarettes. They're like the Batman and Robin of drugs
just once i'd like to actually BE there for your crazy drunk stories instead of just getting the play-by-play by people who can't remember half of it
The only words I could make out were "Dicksmash McIroncock".
A reminder in my phone just went off saying, "Fuck.On.Roof- the Great Bambino". This makes me excited and slightly nervous.
Started my new year off by being hospitalized with pneumonia. You?
Found out I'm pregnant.
I'll stick with pneumonia.
Randomize
