in a basement doing blow off a prince dvd next to a chick in a saddam mask
Currently microwaving whipped cream to make white Russians and hotboxing the kitchen while this random kid is dancing in the corner.
Definitely just put my car on cruise control so I could stick my head out of the sunroof while driving to taco bell.
get over here soon, theyre throwing bbeers at us from the roof. keyword : throwing
I just bought the ATT family protection plan so that I could block all of my old bar hookups from booty calling me...
I NEVER left your party last night of anyone asks.
Yeah, I didn't wake up handcuffed to my bed either.
I just found a list in your handwriting titled "Places I've Peed." The National Mall and 'under the second bridge after the bend in the road' are two of the tamer entries. I tip my hat.
So, my ex just showed me the drunk voicemail we left him last night. Started out with me saying "I think it's Shane." Then you took my phone and started singing a song about peanut butter, train tracks, and tequila. I joined in. On the upside, he said he's totally fine with being on the drunk dial list from now on. Soooo, another tequila night??
We just broke my bed mid-sex, laughed, then continued. If that isn't true love I don't know what is.
It's gotten to a point that when guys say "I'm gonna cum" I've developed a habit of responding "dooo itttt" in a deep voice. #isthatweird
It was just a matte of pubes and mustard.
When I go to hand him the blunt and he's eating a cookie and responds with "let me hit this cookie"
I might go bald with this hair pulling thing every night.
Lucky bitch I'm at work covered in Jeff pee. And my hair smells like beer because I was trying to prove a point about PBR serving multiple purposes.
Hey do u remember the time we used my mascara wand as a drink stirer?
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