Good luck! Who knows he might be a stallion in the bedroom! or it could be like having sex with a crayon.
My dinner was lean cuisine and tequila. Aaaaaand I need a boyfriend.
At what point were we discussing suction-cupping a dildo to the wall?
Are my feet made of real feet?
All I can remember is being told by a guy named Kyle to stay in the corner until the cops left. Then waking up on a porch outlined in beer cans 8 blocks from my house. Pregaming for college.
the game I always play with drunk me is can-you-button-and-unbutton things? If the answer is no, go home. Usually it's his pants
Meeting his dad and brother for the first time at the jail while I'm bailing him out ISN'T exactly how I pictured this relationship going....
I took a yellow and pink pill, all of a sudden my sex drive is back, and for some reason all I wanna do is fuck Amish dudes
Good God, I miss doing unknown drugs with you.
You gave your one night stand my number. I told him you left for your sex change an hour ago.
Dude I'm so clean right now. Like I feel insulted that I can pass a piss test.
i'm pretty sure you can't sue someone for "Taking a shit on my kitchen floor."
I just broke a sweat masturbating on a Friday night. I may need a boyfriend.
He shampooed and conditioned his pubes but can't manscape for shit.
It was terrible. I am sore from head to toe, neither of us got off, and we were at it for an hour and a half, I faked having a heart episode so we could stop. It worked.
i had sex with a girl named after a fruit last night and it was the best thing to happen to me in 2020
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