Yeah, where have you been?
Clearly not facebooking enough. Sweet jesus.
I had a dream you and I were having sex. It was pretty romantic.... until you started pulling out toys.
i just posted a lake picture of you with a dead fish in your mouth. happy july 5th.
we sang "a whole new world" together. either he's my gay best friend or the love of my life.
And i generally try not to roofie people when I'm in a committed relationship.
dude all my bootycalls are going to Eclipse tonight... Do I really want it that bad?
That glade motion activator thing keeps going off every time we pass the bong. I don't know what I'm getting high off right now.
Was awful. Wedding photos taken by a river with used syringes floating past. Had to ask the bride to put down a can of rum to have her photo taken.
Sorry I kept grabbing your vagina at the casino. I believed it was my lucky unicorn to win bonuses
My contribution to the dinner party was a bottle of vodka and a bag of uncooked potatoes. I felt like a Russian serf.
donating our bodies to science does not justify what were doing to them.
Serious question: when you had my right nipple in your mouth, did my nipple ring have both of the balls on it, or was it missing one. Current situation: missing one.
Yeah no problem. What are blow job angels for anyways
Not as great as when your drunk mom grabbed my junk, but better than when your sober grandma sacktapped me and grabbed my butt.
Your not drunk until you have to grab on to the grass to keep from falling off the earth.
Randomize
