i had just passed the point of no return when my mom opened my door. I hid my dick and took the porn off the computer in time but i still had to explain my day at school to her WHILE i was jizzing in my pants.
you only had a canadian ten, but you said it was all good cuz you would just by molson.
Yeaaah, so cabbie laughed at me, and said, "rough nite? Let me find you some music" . apparently OPP is the appropriate ride of shame soundtrack.
DRUNK CANOEING
Please text me if you survive.
LAND HO BITCH
The object of the game was to pour tequila into a sombrero and drink as much as you can before it leaked through, 'Big Papi' won.
Mom called her a cunt. I think that's code for "don't bring her over ever again."
Also I stopped in the middle of the road and put my hazards on because BUNNIES WERE PLAYING
I just handed a girl a slice of pizza and she handed me her number. Is this how Vegas hookups normally begin?
So I got this new job… ever been fucked in a corner office before?
He may be engaged to someone else, but god damn that was the best 3 hours I've ever spent naked with someone.
George disappeared two hours ago with a stripper named "delicious." Haven't seen him since
I've had sex near too many of the blankets to let our parents touch them like this
I'm not going out, it's sweat pants and gallon vodka night at my place and I'm the only one on the guest list.
This is because you lost at fooseball isn't it?
the funny thing was, all i remember was a liter of vodka and going to oneonta for the night. then 2 weeks later bam, i get a letter banning me from campus for the next 4 years. awesome convorsation with my dad to wake up to.
It's 3 am. Nothing I've tried can get the taste of failure and vomit out of my mouth.
Randomize