My RA just tried to write me up for having sex too loudly during quiet hours.
don't you miss freshman year when you could get away with "but i've never given a bj before..."
You kept excitedly announcing to the bar what time it was. Followed by an equally excited "Clock language still makes sense!"
My alcohol tolerance is way too high for this paycheck.
I was the one passing out cake at the bars
I'm gonna win the lottery and buy chinchillas and tattoos for everyone
You know when you get a stripper pays your bail. You got good wood.
It was awful. He had a wife
And now you've had a year of virgin penance. Absolve yourself.
the best part of college is nobody can tell me not to eat six toaster strudels and jerk off in the shower
In reference to the club we were headed to our cab driver told us about the time he had sex with a woman on the dance floor there. And what do you know, they're celebrating their 22 marriage anniversary together this year! True love does exist!
We always have to do something together that tests the human limits of the body. Hopefully it has at least a 75% death rate.
So, just how hungover are you?
Not at all, surprisingly.
That has to be your X-Men power.
Everyone has seen your nipples. It's like asking if they ever walked on grass. You need better hangover questions.
Dude just saw some some guy puke out of a car window on the highway going to school.
You don't know happiness until you've got to smoke weed inside taco bell and then eat all you want for free
Randomize
