Last night I had a dream we played Uno and had sex. You won at Uno, but you lost at sex.
I didnt realize til after I got out of her apartment and into the lobby that we lived in the same building.
Using his name makes it all too personal. I refuse to get attached to this one. This is all about ass. He doesn't get a name.
I have pink band-aids all over my body, WHAT HAPPENED?
Keg backpack and a Bike
Something's wrong. My throat is definitely not in it's normal spot. Way too low.
it's 10:36pm. Do you know where your penis should be?
Thanksgiving. This year's theme: I am thankful that I still have a liver.
i woke up this morning and saw her in my bed and i said to myself, I think I might have a drinking problem.
Cooked breakfast with his mom this morning...I'm like the housewife of one night stands
I'm at the point where I'm more upset that he got to keep my bottle of Fireball than that he stopped talking to me with no explanation
Anyone see the sob who took the piñata?
You know the party's good when you say "Never have I ever caused an emergency landing" and someone drinks
My booty call made my bed while I was in the shower. I may have to marry him.
And by "I love him" I mean "I want his tongue down my throat.
She woke up, mumbled "the trees" When i asked her what about them, she yelled "WE NEED THEM FOR OXYGEN," Then went back to sleep.
We need to get on her level.
Randomize
