I painted my nails silver
And what are the implications of that?
Is there supposed to be a msg in that? Just thought ud like to know it looks like I fingerbanged an alien
hey, here's something you don't have worry about since you're a girl: finding crusty cum in your bellybutton.
ya i vaguely remember microwaving a whole package of bacon for 20 minutes or so and then eating it all around 4am
I want to apologize 3 days in advance for what's about to take place on St. Patrick's day.
there's a sign at taco bell and it says "bacon and ranch make everything better." it speaks to me.
i just got yelled at for having sex. this sorority thing is worst than being at home. at least at home they think im still a virgin
just did a beer bong in the shower while i was taking an actual shower its officially football time
I can't be 100% sure of this but I think tonight was the first time I told a middle aged woman holding a baby to go fuck herself
There's gotta be a lawn gnome full ecstasy around here somewhere. And by golly I will find it
Your dress got me laid by one of Obama's Secret Service members. Patriotic duty, check.
I didn't want to walk to anymore parties because I found a cat. It was magical.
I got dressed on his front steps, peed on his neighbors lawn, then did a shoeless walk of shame home at 5am...
Also, I pretty much need an IV of fluids straight to my soul
Just so u know, "come here buckey" has no effect on ur cat, but "hey fucker you wanna get high or what?" will cause him to run from the other room knocking shit over. We smoked outta the gravity bong, then he went and ate.
We were having sex and he started doing some weird swivel move. I was like wtf and he said sorry just trying to pop my knee.
Randomize
