Can you send me a pic of you vag, I'm sexting the guy and he wants a pic but I didnt shave
dude are you serious?
I know you already have a pic on your phone
I may be a little high but I'm pretty sure my alphabet soup has only Os in it
We call that spaghetti Os
He offered me a 30 pack if I don't bring her to the party. Am I a bad friend If I take his offer?
All I heard was "I swear it'll be funny" and then we were in jail.
i'm behind the bar giving him a hand job. i need stuff to make my foot stop itching.
okay, this is where i needed to clarify that i was kidding before when i said that jizz helps mosquito bites. but let me know how that goes. for future reference.
she slipped a pinky in my ass. Not sure if I came because I liked it or if I was terrified by it.
Lots of alcohol last night skiing this morning = me throwing up off chairlift
When I take mushrooms I can feel your presence down there. I can feel where Africa is too.
Dude cabbage spilt on the floor, and now danielles rolling it. Happy st party's day.
Hey in a lighter note I also nutted in that cheerleader too if she got prego there would have been a team reunion on Maury
i’m just listening to christina aguilera’s “your body” on repeat and trying not to pass out at my desk.
They had to take me to the ER because I got a concussion in a parking garage. Not partying with lesbians for a while
You kept purposefully giving me wrong directions, laughing, then yelling at me for taking directions from a drunk person.
Girl. There is no more toilet paper. You should have seen the twerking I just did to shake the pee off.
Xanax, wine, and giving the neighbor blue balls. How about you?
Jesus, it’s Tuesday morning! Not back stage with Motley Crew
Randomize
