I just saw some girl with the liscense plate "OBVIII"...I never wanted to get in a car accident so badly.
I'm already at the bar. It's 2 PM. Help
Yeah I made some freshmen feed me oddles of noodles and I passed out
I am definitely the only sober one on this train. And the only one not wearing a business suit. Wow, Monday Korea.
Someone asked me what I was drinking, I was drinking rum, but I was also eating starbursts so i told them "daiquiris"
My masturbation fantasy just had a wedding theme. I need new hobbies.
She needs sedatives and a leash
Fool me once shame on you. Fool me twice and I'm the idiot missing half an eyebrow again.
Im in my back seat in my own drive way with two beers left to shotgun and watching the sunrise. Am I over her yet?
Its honestly only a matter of time before I punch him in the face... I'll try to control myself until you guys break up
I taught a straight girl about grindr today. She showed me tinder. It was like some sexual cultural exchange program
ill be home in an hour. Be in my bed ready for disappointment
Take home message: SPERM IS EVIL AND SHOULD NEVER EVER EVER BE ALLOWED UP ONE'S NOSE.
This morning we had sex while he was wearing a full length fur jacket and sunglasses... I wasn't even phased
Do you think it would be okay if i cleaned my cartilage piercing with the leftover vodka?
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