True love is taking a shit with the one you love in the bathroom with you.
I tried making the sex a little better this time so right before I blew I yelled "ready or not here I come!"
Why is there 6 cases of kwic trip dounuts dumped in my bed? Best 34 dollar wake up of my life
he drank a monster margarita at dinner. had to ask me if it was dollars or minutes that ended in 60.
Thanks for feeding me more tequila shots to prevent me from trying to fight her last night. Horrible logic? Yes, but you are the best friend ever
he squeezed my boobs like he didn't know what else to do with them, then turned down head...
told you he was gay.
Don't park in the garage. I installed a stripper pole while drunk and it's kinda in the way
I'll remember. Also, I owe you 200 for a pair of shoes that I carelessly bought to improve my spinal structure, to improve my health and ensure that I love to be 300 years old. Like Adam. Of the bible.
She just walked up to him and was like "you should fuck Angela" and it worked! She is the ultimate wingman
He got an erection from helping me mobilize my lumbar spine. I love physical therapy school.
Guess who just hooked up with a guy who was wearing a shirt from his mom's "dress up closet"?!
He asked when the last time I had sex was. I had to look at the clock and respond "12 hours ago"
I just want to sit in my tub, drugged out of my mind, and watch the green lantern cartoon while the world as we know it ceases to exist outside my bathroom door, Okay? Is that REALLY too much to ask?
I don't remember anything from last night, but at track I found my thong next to the high jump pit... So it must has been decent
You're swimming in an imaginary pool of pudding. What do you think?
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