i just caught my roommate coming out of the bathroom half naked with a surge protector. he told me he didn't wanna talk about it.
before i could say "i'm not that kind of girl", i was.
Her eyes are really red like she jus got out of the hospital and shes coughing ...80 ppl at her school do have swine flu dude
So your saying just a blow job?
I didn't realize he wasn't circumcised... it looked like the Unibomber...
What's the second line of that rhyme that starts "Vicodin before scotch...?"
All I heard was "I swear it'll be funny" and then we were in jail.
There's a middle eastern man wearing a cow costume with tequila coming out of his udders, but I'm not sober enough to feel uncomfortable with it.
It was dark, she woke me up, gave me a blowjob and then whispered in my ear: do you know who I am?
I have to sanitize my nipples and its just to cold in here for it to be ok
What kind of gift says "I'm sorry you accidentally stuck your hands in my puke (even though you should know better by now)"?
Woke up in time for my 8:15
Good for you I'm impressed
I realized 10 minutes in it was a class from last semester
All I remember is laying in that secret hideaway closet, naked, with a beer cowboy hat on and you walking in and sitting down crying because no one would have sex with you
WEED IS MY SPIRIT ANIMAL
That one probably shouldn't have been in caps
He stuck a cigarette in my butt last night. There is no coming back from that.
Where do you think your fantastically immense lady-boner for men in uniform comes from?
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