Why do girls always cry at the bar?
What's the point of going out if you're going to cry all night?
Are they having an exestensial crisis at the bar?
I'm not crazy, I only keep calling you cause you won't pick up.
Well, I guess that settles the question of how thick the walls are in my building.
he was screaming in a recently acquired accent that he paid for delivery and they could cancel the entire order if they didn't come upstairs
I thought you said it was going to get worse not hilarious.
the delivery boy turned out to be my students mother. now she knows that i have incredibly low standards AND thanks to the fact that he still has dialup the pizza tracker was way off and she rang the bell and he answered mid bong rip.
I'm going to kill the bastard that switches my hot hookups from the previous night with ugly chicks
I'll give her a pass for the first one, but after the second threesome, she should have learned her lesson.
well at that point we were just fucking to keep warm.
I broke up with him in the bar & then asked him if he wanted to have a contest to see who gets the most numbers. I say I took that break up well
Why were you eating a hot dog in the bathroom at 230 am?
My roommate was sleeping, I thought it would be rude
you threw me on the ground pryed my purse out of my hands screaming " I JUST WANNA HOLD IT A LITTLE BIT". later i found you putting on my lip gloss.
In other news, I just sneezed and almost shit myself. What is happening to my life??
I danced shirtless on a platform with a fucking stripper who went to MIT
The neighbors in the apartment above us are at it again. The roleplay this time is cop and prostitute. I give it 30 minutes, you? Already sounds better than the last one
Honestly, if you don't have a lawsuit pending against you by this time tomorrow, I'll be impressed.
everything I love is going to destroy me, so if coconuts are the answer, so be it.
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