dude, that chick is coming to see me and stay for 2 nights. I'm hitting the 3rd in the trifecta of friends.
You're one hell of a depraved bastard dude, I'm borderline speechless. You officially win.
They all have matching tattoos so they're all official bffs. I love my life.
I wasn't excited about it either, but if I was going to have her take a load on her face, role playing as some french dude is the least I could do
Blowing lines off from the book where the wild things are... bad babysitter?
Also, I'd like to add that that I'm not quitting my job, my boss fed me shots at 11 am this morning.
I've gotta stop getting kicked out of bars for fighting with people over the accuracy of the Harry Potter movie.
I just found our entire wall-to-wall from September 2006 printed out and clipped... it's 49 pages. Blackout me is so considerate of bored-at-work me
Once you mention butt plugs, conversations always take a turn for the worst.
The cop used the word "belligerent" 16 times in the report. You get to bail him this time. I'm not up for it.
I'm going to fake an anxiety attack to get to the front of the line. Save me some brisket.
I was trying to remember why my knees hurt then I remembered I was twerking on the countertops.
Well I had to use a seat cushion at Soul Cycle today so, yeah, I'd say the sex was good
You opened the door to your apartment and shrieked "THE CHAIR IS GONE!" then punted a bag of votive candles
OH GOOD GOD THE BUFFALO WING SAUCE IS BURNING MY FUCKING CUNT. WHY THE FUCK DID I AGREE TO SPICY AND NOT MILD
Egg rolls and cum. Not my worst snack.
went out to hit golf balls, ended up doing splits at the bar. you're a bad influence.
Randomize
