I ahte it when I peed a little on my shews. I got a litll bit on the automen in your room too.:/
Tracy!! I don't have an ottoman in my room.
Ohhh....do you have a dog shaped liek un automan?
I'm so high I used the top vent on my dashboard to heat up a cheeseburger
I found a vibrator in my car and it's not mine...this is becoming a weird day.
its impossible for me to find something that fits my tits my muffin top and my ass all at the same time
I'm now at that point where it just feels natural to do a few shots of whisky with breakfast and then head to work
What's a nice way of saying "You fell asleep, and I got bored, so I made out with your brother"?
remind me not to fuck anymore half bald 20 year olds. because obviously there's attachment issues
So Monday we're lesbians.
Deal. This decision is final and any rebates on this will result in losing an eyeball.
Got laid last night using the intro line of "rate your hurricane evacuation plan on a scale of 1-10"
I can measure my amount of vomit in solo cups.
I'm a 23 year old adult who just ordered condoms online from Target because I'm still too embarrassed to buy them in the store.
Do I have to cook for the potluck? Can I just bring a costco size bottle of Vodka?
One of these days I would like to go out drinking and stick to plan of just getting drunk and not be sidetracked with other people's plans of doing drugs along the way. I didn't even want to not feel my teeth tonight but here we go just another Thursday night when you live I live
the teacher told me he was disappointed and when I asked why he just shook his head. remember that kid that caught us having sex behind the school? pretty sure that was his son.
I don't care. It's wine Wednesday get your gameface on.
Randomize
