At least we lost an hour tonight! Less time to make a fool of myself
She wanted to fuck you. You threw up on her. Congrats.
I wonder if there will ever be a day where I don't find lisps really really hilarious.
She looks makes a Zellweger face when she cums, she's keeps asking why I call her renee
Only mom could turn an abortion day into a shopping day
nothing like a tattoo of a large eagle attacking a small eagle whos attacking a shark to bond to siblings together for life
I HAVE A PIGEON IN MY JACKET.
Siri makes being stoned even easier. I don't even Have to type my texts myself
Though I typed a half of that one
The name of tonight's festivities is hereby decreed to be the "Honey Boo Boo Hootenanny".
It's like he drunk calls 6 times for me to come over, but can't say hello at lunch.
You left a bit of molly on the table and my mom found it. She asked what it was, I said "not drugs"
She believed me because "leaving that much behind on the table would be a waste so obviously it's not drugs."
I want a shirt that says, "I'm sorry for the things I said when it was Taco Tuesday"
I'm sorry I tried to spit drugs down your throat like a baby bird last night.
Just saw the pics from the bachelor party. When the hell did we go to southie. And why was there a chicken in the limo..? You guys really are my best friends.
Wait... where the hell did you even find a live OCTOPUS, let alone green eggs and ham?
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