I dont kno what was worse. Waking up 2 a guy next to me thinking I got blackout or realizing it was your boyfriend.
Another f*ing night of vodka youporn and xanax. I need to get a goddamn life
3 great things that go great together... But not on a Friday night. Perfect on say... a Tuesday.
you kept screaming i cant feel my vagina, it kinda killed the mood.
Pass out mid-funnel last night.
literally. a puddle of blood. on the floor. still searching for the source
You hit on my mom and then passed out in the kiddie pool.
God I love incriminating evidence...wonder what the statue of limitations is on shitting on someones driveway
I'm a busy girl. All I wanted was noncommittal sex a few times a week
I was able to hide the fact that I had just shit in my pants, and then wupped her ass at FIFA
Favorite thing said to me in 2012: It's like you have two tongues!
Were you keeping a list?
why do you keep saying "she looks like a porn star" like thats a bad thing?
You started sleep walking, went to my closet, tried to pee on my boots, and when I asked you what you were doing you said "I'm talking to these people about jobs"
This is me trying to take a picture to send to grandma. At 4. We were trying to look sober.
Amazon is not showing any promising results for penis tree toppers and I am genuinely surprised. Clearly this is a market that needs to be addressed.
I jus want to remember tomorrow how proud I was tonight for wearing my rainbow leggings as a long sleeved shrug I feel like fucking MacGuyver
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