Yeah no shit. My mom is giving me winecoolers as we watch a show abt alcoholics
There is something about listening to Patsy Cline while pooping that makes the experience so much better.
my goal in life is to wake up with my underwear on
Dude ur right that IS what a vagina looks like!
Do everybody a favor and GET LAID MORE.
she had a concussion and she still scored nine points higher than me on the midterm
Yeah go get her. And don't bring her clothes I want her to walk back in her Christmas stocking dress. Take pictures.
I'm not embarrassed about the lap dance. I'm embarrassed for the singing during.
This is breast cancer awareness month... The least we can do is give a stripper some singles.
bad sex. bad bad bad. it was like trying to pick up an overcooked noodle with an empty pringles can. why do these guys always seem to find me?
Prerry sure I narrowly avoided being tazed by a swat cop last night... But on the up side, we found my purse.
Started the 4th with a foursome. I don't know if it gets more festive than that. #MERICA
10 shots in she's sitting on the floor using the open dishwasher door as a plate to eat her "life giving" pizza.
I just sucked dick on a ferry
He yanked my breathe right strip off in the middle of me riding him.
he was wearing a pyjama shirt under a dress shirt under a hoodie under a robe under a rain poncho the man was prepared for anything
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