i actually looked down at my cock today and said "whoa buddy, you need a haircut....(grimace) and a shower"
the next time i see a chick with leggings under her jean skirt...i'm gona beat her ass with a fashion magazine...
something came early last nite... and lemme tell u it wasn't christmas...
Quiet hours sex sucks. I hate finals.
he doesnt exactly give off the "im mature enough to use my penis" vibe
I just saw a girl licking a cheeseburger wrapper. dont ever let me get that fat
somehow, even strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA can't understand why he'd choose her over me
maybe it's because you talk to strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA
I stared at his lazy eye for so long, he thought I had one too. Then we bonded over our lazy eyes. I had to fake one all night. My head is fucking killing me. NEVER pretend to have a lazy eye.
He started humming whilst eating me out. At first it was weird, but my new motto is now don't knock it before you've cum from it
The little girl I'm babysitting is having a tea party, the water and chips she's passing out are doing wonders for my hangover.
I just remember banging him and then at some point I went and took a shower and went and laid in the closet
There's a dude wearing a banana suit at the house across the street....
It's still fucked up that my mom let me think Vanilla Ice was my dad for YEARS just because she thought it was funny.
When I meet her I'm going to have to resist the urge of saying "hey! We're Eskimo sisters!"
Apparently I repeatedly thanked the paramedic for saving the "happy new year" beads i was wearing. that bad.
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