While she was crying about breaking up, he looked at her through his fork and said "of course she's upset, she's in jail." Having sex with him tonight.
Just hide your weed in your baby brothers shirt. TSA wont check a baby, thats fucked up
I am intoxicated and cannot bring you a burrito. However, if you want to bring ME one...
He blow dried my hair while I sucked his dick. Now THAT'S fucking teamwork.
Vom Wallet is no more. We now boldly enter a responsible, adult era where we will not throw up liquor onto ourselves.
IT IS CHRISTMAS EVE AND I AM SUPPOSED TO BE HAVING SEX WITH AN ATTRACTIVE BLACK MAN IN THE NEXT FEW DAYS AND I JUST GOT MY PERIOD. WHEN PEOPLE ASK ME WHY I DON'T BELIEVE IN GOD I WILL TELL THEM OF THIS DAY.
If there was a build-a-penis, I would build that penis.
No more stories ab the wkend for co-workers... No one else found "and I didn't have pants on when I got home Saturday night" as funny as I did.
Well if she's the kinda girl that doesn't want you after seeing a pic of your balls squeezed together, she's not the girl for you.
I won't let penises inside me if you won't let tequila inside you, deal?
You did a body shot out of her belly button with a bendy straw.
Like don't initiate a threesome when we're all watching SPONGEBOB. That's like sacrilege.
YOLO is a great motto until you end up with Chlamydia
So then edible panties?
Jesus no he likes candy too much, I'd lose a lip
i'm not too sure if he's up to my expectations looks-wise, but in the penis department he exceeds ALL regulations.
Randomize