So he sent me a text that said "say hi to your vajayjay for me"
Was there any message he wanted you to relay to your asshole?
i got so high last night i cried hysterically for like 5 minutes because i dont have any superpowers
how was your day?
fuck the small talk. are you bringing the liquor tonight or am i?
I'd like to thank you fucktards for dumping the WHOLE box of Tricuits in my bed after I passed out.
Another memory: We offered for a stranger to live in our house under the condition that he took the garbage out because it's a 'blue' job.
We are the best.
Ps. We need to take the garbage out.
Best part of leaving the university? Interns are as hot as my former students, not legally off limits, and they will do anything for a full time job.
my mom asked if I found my Easter basket. it's 1PM & I got home an hour ago from last night. if I'm looking for anything, it's my dignity.
how do you politely tell someone their toddler looks alarmingly similar to the berries and cream guy
I brought those bastards cookies so they can deal with my sex noise, fuck them and their roommate asses
Is it bad when your own grandmother calls you a whore?
You sat down in the middle of the road and started crying. We told you "Get your ass up or we're leaving you here." You replied "They'll findddd meeeeee" and ran after us.
Nothing personal but yes I would be suspicious If I saw 3 guys and 2 girls in the same bathroom stall together
He cut off part of his middle finger playing the knife game while singing The Knife Game Song at the top of his lungs. He also scream like a girl when his finger hit the floor and he realized he fucked up.
I a very close black and white picture of my slightly erect penis and I blew it up put it in an art gallery for a show coming up and somebody bought it for 30 Grand!!!
I apparently sent an offer letter to, and then subsequently onboarded, the wrong candidate. How's your Monday?
Randomize
