if i get killed by an online date, its your job to tell my parents that we met at church
i think the next time he gets me off i'm going to scream bangarang
ru fi oooo
I made a game called come to class high and eat nachos.
I didn't realize how much I missed him until his balls were back in my mouth..
We have video of him nailing the sex doll to my wall and putting all the monopoly pieces in her nose
My mom woke me up in a bubble bath this morning.
I'm not an expert but calling her the "hot lesbian" isn't going to coerce her into a 3some with you
Unfortunately hes not a hipster douchebag with no life goals, so naturally I'm not interested.
My sister was borrowing my phone when the sext came through. She just said "wow. He's got a nice dick!" Then went on like nothing happened. Outed by a dick pic and its no big deal. Best sister ever.
Bro if you don't text me back I'm gonna send you a picture of my nut sack every ten seconds for the rest of the night. I'm home alone with nothing to do. Don't push me.
sooo trippy being back in town after 5 years. if you had asked me in high school who would be future coke heads, i would have been way off
You yell at me for giving you beer but not for licking spilled beer off your chest.
Holy shit dude........stairs
Sex in the backyard? Check.
You know when you're a kid and you play at the pool until you passed out? It was like that except instead of playing it was sex.
Randomize
