you started puking right when a nickelback song came on..it was epic
Between the two of us weve fucked every guy at this table
If i apologize for punching you in the liver repeatedly will you explain where the grass stains on my shoulders came from?
Emily is drunk. We're coming to see you at work and we're bringing jello shots for you.
Either I put my underwear on inside out and wore it like that all day, or I had sex with him. Its sad I have to guess.
WRONG DAY TO COME TO CLASS STONED!! WRONG DAY TO COME TO CLASS STONED!! WE'RE WATCHING BIRTHING VIDEOS!!!!
Things are burning & the world smells of peanut butter. It's beautiful.
I'm drunk at a gay bar with my riding crop. God save the queens
We lost power at midnight which freaked out my roomate and friends. The power came back on 30 minutes later. We are now at the bar having "the rapture came and we were left behind" shots
Why did I wake up to grapes taped my ears ?
Sorry dude, we didn't want you to hear us. Seemed like a good idea at the time.
This amicable friendliness is dull. We either need to start fighting or fucking around. I'll even let you pick.
Props to the guy blatantly doing coke in the bathroom at the bar. Walked out of the stall with a credit card in hand, sniffing loudly and shouting "choo choo"
He's wearing my bra and eating a breadstick while jumping on our bed.....
Can I put tequila in the fish bowl? I think he wants to party too
Why exactly is there a butt plug on the counter?
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