Who knew there were guys that wanted to only stalk you instead of date you? Count on me to find them!
end the night at a gay bar...not sure how...but why the fuck do i have two condoms in my pocket?
bahahahaha i would laugh soo hard if someone did this for me hahahaha this guy would become my best friend
When he brought me into his room he showed me his James Bond calendar and matching sheets, and then told me that his goal in life is to be James Bond….epic fail. Mission Impossible. I was scared to take off his boxers to find out that they were also James Bond themed.
RUN LIKE YOUR JAMES BOND
so i decided to listen to you and went ahead and slept with him. you owe me 3 minutes
Sketchest drug deal yet.... I just got paid in quarters and chucky chesse tokens. I need to stop hooking my friends up.
Hahaha you puked all over his shirt.
You puked in the planter and everyone saw your snatch.
Well someones bitter they didn't get any.
I just asked the contractor building my house what it would cost to put a garbage disposal in all the shower drains...there was a lot of judging going on.
Of course he wants me there for his birthday. If a girl offers you a blowjob for every year of your life, you're gonna want her to be there.
It's cheaper then a lap dance and you get your hair cut.
Sorry, not ignoring you.. We broke open the other piñata left from cinco de mayo and it was filled with condoms, mini booze bottles, and those little party horn things you blow into. You'll forgive me when we're fucking for days with all these free condoms.
Lmfao. We asked what you wanted to eat and you said vagina. I don't care what kind. Fresh, barbecue, roasted on a camp fire. I just want it on my taste buds.
I want my tombstone to read "making poor life decisions since 1993"
I'm pretty sure the guy who was grinding on me while I was trying to get a drink at he bar was one of my tinder matches
So, I'm roughly 90% sure that the guy next to me in the xray waiting room is watching porn on his phone right now
Randomize
