Why don't I have your new number? And who have I been texting?
Ben's a prick.
What Ben are you talking about?
All the bens across all the lands
i just got offered coke by a strung out pilot. my night just got a lot more interesting.
"Students using Axe body spray to light selves on fire" is a real headline from a real newspaper. WHY AREN'T WE DOING THIS RIGHT NOW?
He likes Jesus. Game over.
Oooh wait, he just told me he was high.
i DID try to find you last night. i asked where you were and you texted me the letter "e" and a picture of the dark.
I feel like I've been drunk all of June. And I am in NO WAY ashamed about it.
hahaha lucky. I'm fishing with some dude I just met when I woke up next to the mohawk river
His dick is longer than my foot and I'm a size 9. I'm literally kicking myself in the vagina
He said he wanted to go to France " just to piss in the nice areas". I want to fuck him.
I danced on the street to dubstep on a boombox for an hour with a lesbian single mother.
You forget how awesome toilet paper is until you have to wipe your ass with a piece of notebook paper...
I'm by myself. some Midwest chick is hitting on me because I gave her a deviled egg. I need the distraction.
I think I got into an argument with my cat's former owner about what a BDSM relationship entails.
Does the girl you just banged want anything from Taco Bell?
Randomize
