Going back to my hometown to drink absinthe with highschool boys. Remind me to evaluate this decision tomorrow.
I forgot to tell you the best part. The folded up paper he wrote his number on opened up to be a picture of him when he was younger wearing a Columbia tshirt in front of NASA and in pen said his name and "space consultant."
His dick looked like E.T.'s finger. It scared me.
Just took the worst coed shower ever. We both cried. AND I only shaved one leg.
She's been with the dude for a week saying she's in love. Yeah so am I. I just opened this beer 5 minutes ago and I LOVE IT ALREADY.
If there was a card that said "I'm sorry for throwing up on your bathroom counter" I would send it to you.
Just told myself the phrase "You're not THAT single" while dressing myself
You fell asleep standing up against the shower wall
My walk of shame turned into having to get his dad to tow my best friends car out of the snowbank in his driveway
Is it rude to say "I hate you because you live inside Hillary Clinton's asshole"?
She was trying to be sexy well putting on my condom with her mouth when her cat pounced from the corner of the room witch caused her to gasp and inhale the condom
I just smoked part of an Oreo cuz I thought it was some hash you left
Would an open wound count as good sex or bad sex?
I don't know what she did to me last night, but the scratches on my back indicate that I had sex with a Bengal tiger last night.
I'm going to tell you something and I want no judgement because it's america day and I'm wearing an American flag bathing suit but...I woke up in a yard.
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