I wish that guy wasn't missing teeth
two drunk chicks are talking to me about reinacting 2girls1cup
ill bring the camera dont start without me
Call me at 7:30 and make sure I'm not asleep in this booth at Waffle House.
We were busted for public indecency in the back of my car in the parking lot. This time we were just reading my Cosmo magazine.
i just turned the eviction notice into a beer pong list
do you have any idea how expensive it is to have the munchies at Disneyland?
she reminds me of the kind of girl who'd fuck in church if you asked. I can dig it.
You weren't a difficult drunk to take care of. I just had to stop you from plunging the toilet once or twice.
Did you rob me and blame it on the strippers?
Wow. A quad shot of peppermint schnapps. I feel like I just deep throated a candy cane. Best 21st ever.
I dont know. Theres no way you can be ready for the sex hurricane that will consume you.
There's 50 people in our house, none of them are wearing shirts. The keg has been relocated twice and our bathroom door is missing again...when will we ever learn?
did i just see you in the movie theater carrying a margarita into Frozen?
All the 6 year olds are jealous of my alcohol
I'm the kind of girl who misses her mouth when trying to eat, do you honestly think I'm coordinated enough to wear heels during sex?
How did they ever let a trainwreck like myself run a bar?!
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