yeah it was kind of like, i'm 27 and still live in a frat house.. you honestly expect me to have "moral fiber" and a "conscience"
i don't understand how she was down there for so long, she's like a mermaid, a blowjob giving mermaid.
You actually went to class. Im eating dry cereal naked and watching bring it on.
I'm lying here drinking water from a shot glass..moving is not an option right now
I asked for my Beats earbuds back and he sent me a pic of them tied around his penis. Now I miss both my great ear buds and his great dick
Some girl came up to us crying that she lost her phone and you said "if it's meant to be, let it be"
I don't know how to reply to him. 'I'm glad the ecstasy my friend tricked you into taking wore off'...? It just doesn't seem sincere
Beer and xanax may be a bad combo, but I don't really care due to the beer and the xanax.
He said "send me a motivational picture" so I sent one with mayo on my face that said "clearly I'm no stranger to white stuff on my face"...I'm the fuckingng worst
I woke up naked and surrounded by M&Ms
I'm pretty sure I regained my virginity last night
Just in case you forgot, you puked all over your boss house, pissed on his coffee table, and were then thrown out by his wife
I still dont see how i drunkenly impressed your mom
I like that they’re all named Christopher or Chris. No need to worry about moaning during!
She made kool-aid with tequila instead of water and rolled a blunt about the size of an Oscar Mayer hot dog. Best blind date I've ever had. I think I will love her tell my dieing day!
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