I just wish we had the ability to download food from our TVs.
And no, shaving doesn't make it look bigger, either
Girls are like M&M's, once the lights go out you can't tell the difference.
Nope it's a specific set of cards not like a normal ace, queen king thing....kinda like UNO, but instead of yelling UNO you get shitfaced
Shotgunned a beer while taking a bath.
If you have a glass table... Put it up. I don't wanna hurt myself again, I just got my stitches out...
Hes a nice guy and all but I'm only interested in his drunken alter ego.
I just told him that with every paper, I'd take a picture of myself with one less piece of clothing. Who say's I can't be a tutor?
I think clothing becomes optional at the second date! But you seem like a rule breaker
I better get weekly incoherent text messages or I will assume something is wrong.
would it be okay if I showed up at your house naked? and is your door unlocked?
Never underestimate the power of titties
If by whore you mean UPGRADE....then yes I am
i woke up with a shamrock tattoo on my wrist and a fat bruise on my hipbone. please tell me its not real.
Please stop calling me a pterodactyl during sex. It only happens when you're drunk, but still.
Randomize