Too bad my thesis topic isn't "defining a hot mess: a study in drinking, smoking and other bad life decisions."
omg. if hes just gonna get mad everytime i have sex with one of his "friends" then it was never gonna work out
did you dip my ponytail in franzia? its the only thing i can think of to explain my hair right now.
My body is being held together with whiskey, nicotine, duct tape and a little bit of hope...
Rachel and his cat watched us 69 last night. I pretended to be embarrassed the next day... But to be honest I like an audience
After the baby comes, I'll make us White Russians with my breast milk. That will teach her about sharing.
He used the panoramic camera on his iPhone to take a picture of his dick. And it actually filled it. Pretty sure I just came.
Just listened to a full Christian rock song, loved it,listened to the dj send a prayer to a 4th grader who was having a tough year and realized I'm high as fuk
He was respectful of both me and my One Direction calendar.
The last thing I need is a possessed urethra.
Have you ever drank bourbon in your underwear while wearing a Santa hat and reflecting on the decisions of your life? Asking for a friend.
wtf guys I thought we agreed on no more knives. So much for not destroying the house
it wasnt that bad
you tried to climb into my fireplace while screaming TO DIAGON ALLEY! we didnt even watch harry potter. it was bad
What started out as a one night stand ended in him texting me the next day, saying he thought he was gay.
27 year olds can still do oral in a car right? Or is that trashy?
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