can i drink enough to forget this semester even happened?
and yes, the jail cell in Citi Field does have a big Mets symbol in it
dont get mad but guess who just got banned for life from dodger stadium
you know it's bad when you need sunglasses to open the refrigerator
It was worse than when we pepper-sprayed my dick. I feel mislead.
Everything gets a little fuzzy after the flats of jello shots, but I do have a vague recollection of being at the top of a large human pyramid
It is scary how often "just flash him" is your advice.
i'm just sitting here watching hocus pocus, eating takeout, and taking self esteem quizzes online while everyone is out partying. you tell me how my night is.
I'm at the hospital waiting for my sister to push out her kid. I think I'll roam the halls and shame all the teenage mothers.
I'm getting a collar when he gets back in to town! That's like the bdsm equivalent of getting his class ring!
I wish to strangle
whoa there darth vader
He's attempting to seduce me with thanksgiving-themed sexual metaphors... It's working.
Sometimes intelligent conversation doesn't mix well with a romantic interest. It's possible the two are best kept separate. Toys should just stay in the toy box.
This pedicure right now is the most physical I've been with a guy all month
You did an excessive amount of blow and then screamed "WHO THE FUCK NEEDS A LADDER?!" And then Mario style wall-jumped onto the roof. It was one of the most impressive things I've ever seen.
Randomize
