just got pizza delivered to the hot tub. its easier than i thought to be this lazy
Well the light went out so I was throwing up by candle light. Strange moment in my life.
So apparently the christmas orgy was a complete disaster
Found out why they call her Halfpipe Jenny-NOT the cool reason we thought
My clit ring got caught in his beard. Never. Again.
I just horrified a large group of people. Congrats on dating me.
I dont care how drunk you were. Making a bet with MY husband at MY wedding that you could seal the deal before he could is ALWAYS inappropriate!
Thanks for the hickies, asshole. I make my living as a fitness instructor. It's gonna look reeeeeeal weird if I have to wear a scarf while teaching Zumba all week.
Is this the point in which we come to terms with our lesbianism or is that after you send me more ass pics...
Rule #36, branched off rule 4: Dave stays on a leash in crazy settings. It keeps him good and gets you laid.
So essentially he's like a puppy you can bring to a bar? Retractable leash or chain then?
I literally can not watch Thor without thinking of your dick
He made me tacos after the sex. Best date ever!
I know that you sometimes make decisions based on comedic effect, but losing your virginity shouldn't be one of them.
We had a company shotgunning beers contest in the parking lot today, and I won. God bless America!
The fact that I made out with a twenty one year old father is kind of worrying me now. Like. This is exactly what I wasn't supposed to do in life.
Randomize
