I woke up this morning next to some guy. I was horrified, he woke up and said, "the white tiger strikes again!"
Call me back. I want to hear your side of the dead cat in my garage story.
You asked the officer if he could bring you to the same jail as T.I.
i think i left my bra at your place
It's still hanging from my ceiling fan. Please let me keep it there.
do you realize that she was the awkward lesbian in high school and now bangs more girls than probably both of us combined?!
whiskey dick. though we did manage to break my closet door and flood the bathroom.
Biggest penis I've ever pity fucked
If i want her back i know all i have to do is sleep with a specific handful of her closest friends. That method is tried and true.
It was almost as bad as the time I peed on the floor of the Pentagon's subway station.
He just kept mumbling that he was too drunk for society and then he peed in a bush
I think my liver has finally had enough and is going all Ashley-Judd-in-a-Lifetime-movie on me.
I HAVE A TEST I'M SORRY YOUR UN SUCKED DICK ISN'T MY FIRST CONCERN
You know the bunny onesie you sent me? Happy Halloween, I just did the hop of shame.
There better be alcohol at this child's birthday party. Seriously not trying to be entertained by a clown while I'm still sober.
My mom just used the chap stick I used right after giving him a blow job. I am a horrible daughter :(
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