Hey dude. Went to the hospital. Call me when you get up
Woo Hoo! Just saw Asian kids with rocker mullets. Tried to get a picture on my phone, but you know how those ninjas are.
Note to Self: No matter how horny, turned on or in the moment you are, never go down on your gf after she had soccer practice.
I woke up to him climbing naked through my bedroom window with a bottle of jd in his hand. Of course I had sex with him.
Dude. He drives a mini. Therefore he's a virgin
i just feel like the statute of limitations for admitting i plowed through her car last night was up a couple hours ago
Mark just took 50mg Viagra. Tonight should be interesting for the neighbors.
Last night I was just holding this kitten up to my face for like ten minutes telling it that it couldn't be real
So apparently someone caught him as he was falling. And carried him around the rest of the night.
I recently had a rabies scare because I thought putting socks on my hands to pick up a squirrel that got in my house was a good idea.
In the officer's defense, I was indeed pantless at the time he cuffed me, but there's a perfectly good explanation.
Are you alive? Cause this is my official "im actually alive" text.
Just so you know, you called at 2 last night and kept making me tell you that I loved you and then when you got home you thanked me for walking you home. Incase you forgot, I'm still about 200 miles away.
We're getting a bucket of chicken and screwing around, so no, you can't join us.
We hooked up and he sent me home with a plant and skittles lmao
Randomize
