the level of his annoyance + every insult he makes = the closer I am to telling him im fucking his ex
hows that letter of apology to the waitress at waffle house coming?
I just found a bagel and a condom in my coat pocket. I love blackouts
because you can't take the autistic girl you're babysitting on a blunt ride.
He kept telling me how extraordinarily clean my ears were.
We found her naked passed out on the bathroom floor. She didn't even make it to the shower. She was clutching the bathroom rug.
I would makeout with my roommate, but im not drunk enough and she doesnt like bacon fat
My going away gift was all of them dancing around with solo cups on their dick and balls...these are my friends
For Halloween this year I'm going to paint myself in gold, wear a golden toga and sash saying " cunt goddess"
I've never wanted anyone to have herpes as I much as I want him to right now.
I will pepper spray him so fast I don't even care
Maybe if I ever do become a counselor, I would just implement a kind of intensive meme therapy.
Mom is so high she had to turn off the ceiling fan because it was going too fast and it freaked her out.
i sent him a picture of his friend's dick and told him he should really stop thinking he's my only option.
couldn't remember his name. introduced him as 'mr multiple orgasms'
Randomize
