Note to self: never go down on a girl first thing in the morning…its like opening a grilled cheese sandwich
he asked if thats how we do it in the states..like there's cultural difference in fucking between canada and the us..
so i had a dream that andrew cuomo ate me out. guess who i'm voting for?
You just said we could build a blanket and pillow "fuck fort." Of course I'm never leaving you.
Not only have I fallen off the wagon, it ran me over and just kept going...
There's holes in the drywall and the beer pong table is a broken door on two barstools. You know they like to party.
How's dating the med student working out for you?
After we had sex last night he showed me where my spleen was.
A true anatomy project.
I feel like on the last day of finals we should run around campus dressed like Moses screaming "LET MY PEOPLE GO!!!!"
I'll start the recruiting
Crappy Mother's Day to you! Those of us who don't have children fill the void with hot sex, sleeping in, more sex, leisurely suntanning, foreign travel, overseas sex, paying cash for sports cars, watching TV, having sex on the floor in front of TV porn, lounging around the house, or whatever the hell we want.
the dj asked me quote "are you sure you're sober enough to do this?" And I grabbed the mic from him and said "ill fucking show you sober- HIT IT". I also dropped the mic at the end so he had to come around and pick it up
Shania Twain would have been proud
just like cleaning my room and being more organized in my life. more so just making sure a toaster doesn't end up in my car again for 2 months
If it snows I'm making an igloo and getting wasted in it
Bumble is fuckin insane here. I'm going to break a hip.
His sister hates me so I took his virginity on her bed
He may have been a dick but he DID give me his Netflix log in. Maybe some good did come of it.
Randomize
