i've got a dick and you've got a pussy....what is the problem??
So I've been drinking and I told the bf about the gf he almost fell of his chair
Spotted at kelly concert- 10 year old in a homemade "I do not hook up" t shirt. Well I should certainly hope not, sweetheart.
if you count grabbing my crotch as an introduction then yeah i got a couple of those tonight
broke the door off of my fridge tryin to have a indoor rodeo
For the record, it's NEVER ok to discuss my stripper-related injuries with my fiance.
OH MY GOD THE LITTLE GIRL IS SITTING WITH US WHILE WE SMOKE. I'M NOT DOING THIS
Just yelled out loud for someone to buy me a drink, 30 seconds later random guy on grindr asks what I'm drinking.
There's a 98% chance your drink will taste like rohypnol
I should become her mentor. Get her life back together for her
You mean sponsor?
we could do so many fantastic illegal things together. sexually and otherwise.
I left my ice cream out over night, it's melted, fuck this, I just poured Bailey's in it. Problems solved.
I don't even care if you were high. The fact that I've been begging for us to have those cinnamon rolls for months and you didn't even save me one is not ok.
I was afraid I was gonna get a URI, so I peed on his front porch.
I just wanna fuck your brother. Sorry if thats a crime.
You can now call me Rabbi, and I can now perform weddings, funerals, and other services in all fifty states. You're welcome, world.
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