My Higher Power is John Stamos
theres no point in washing my sheets anymore. its always going to be a fine layer of booze and semen.
Hannah Montana > iCarly
I'm disregarding that text and your testicles entirely
My student's should feel privledged to see me tuesday after the amount of alcohol I consumed this weekend.
we convinced you the moon was a planet...again
If you dont, I will tell Dad you are gay.
Fine, and I will tell him you fucked his business partner
Previous statement retracted.
Woke up with the note 'going outside. Ignore bloody spoon. Be back soon' taped to my forehead. Know anything about it?
I wouldn't blow him for all the queso in the world.
I'd rather blow that homeless guy who asked me to breast feed him.
Now, one of you come feed me, the other read me my physics book...I'm too hungover for this shit...
I've never been so tempted to check my phone during sex in my life.
See I insist I'm not a groupie and then I say things like "will bang for a backstage pass".
Apparently she hired a private investigator when he took out a restraining order on her. So the answer is no, I didn't hit it.
the next morning we realized we didnt speak the same language... guess i subconsciously did learn a little german last semester. thanks study abroad.
ah the experiences a semester in Vienna can give you. Frau would enjoy knowing that even while sleeping during class you still managed to learn enough german to get laid
One sec I was having the time of my life, the next I was shitting water
I was so high I kept trying to flush the toilet with the light switch
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