Remember that time I came into your room after taking a muscle relaxant and we argued about what state has the longest coastline?
I wanna fuck padma even more now that she's preggers. Is that sick?
Yes but- 100% agreed
Well, we missed our public lewdness court date. Looks like were going to jail in Alabama ...
went for icecream. accidentally deepthroated it. my mom gave me a dirty look, but the kid behind the counter looked impressed
Dude you made a rodeo shot in beer pong won the game then got in the hot tub poured beer all over the side and screamed "hot tub time machine!"...
This hangover makes more sense now
he's just a really huge penis that sells weed
He needs a high five right to the fucking mouth. With a chair. Or an atomic bomb.
I call it a party but only because that sounds better than 8 people getting drunk around a pool.
I'm not sure if I should be proud of you for having morals or disappointed in you for letting your sex life get this sad.
We are so blessed to to have nicely shaped vaginas
I thank god almighty everyday
FOund a bunch of old fireworks spring cleaning.
Who is our new insurance provider?
I walked into my house with my pants inside out, no shoes and a limp. My mom asked me if I had fun but I passed out before I could reply...
i don't think i have enough personality to make it through this date sober.
I'm going to need to invest in some knee pads if I keep having nights like tonight
I think he is using me to sort through his relationship issues, past and present. I did not sign up for this. All I want is booty. Am I the dude in this relationship?
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