and then he said that some chick told him he danced like an epileptic on crystal meth. he then proceeded to demonstrate this statement, which i can testify is 100% accurate.
Spotted: forty year old in red dress, cigarette in hand, squatting to pee by railroad tracks. Hello future.
New Jersey isn't a real state, it's just a myth you tell little kids to scare them like Canada or Carrot Top
Note to self: Don't teach the naked lap rule in beer pong until after youve made a cup..
is election day enough of a holiday to justify getting fucked up on a tuesday?
You know what I'm hearing? Blah, blah, blah, I have pneumonia, blah, blah, blah, I'm a quitter. COME OVER AND PUT YOUR PENIS INSIDE ME.
I WAS CONCIEVED IN THE BACK OF MY CAR. THATS HOW OLD THIS CAR IS.
...how and why.
PARENTS ARE MAGIC.
Your level of morning after guilt is too much right now. Do less.
If waking up at 6 50 pm every day and getting invited to go have sex as you wake up is what alcoholism is like I can get use to this.
This dude has batman tighty whities on over his cargo pants and he has the nerve to yell "fuck you bitch" up at my window.
I'm going to write a new song and call it "Did I wax my vagina for this?" remind me to never go across the country for a penis ever again.
Doug the spinning teacher gave me chlyamdia
People like you and me aren't meant to go this long without having sex
You wouldn't put pants on to see my parents.
I just watched a squirrel take down a snake,life isn't so bad after all.
Randomize
