first missing my period. then crying at the clinic... but why?
we had sex 3 months ago. you missed your period 2 weeks ago. but nice try.
You know, sometimes I seriously doubt your commitment to sparkle motion.
He wanted a quickie. I said, can I play doodle jump on my iPhone during? And that's exactly how it went.
both roomates are passed out on the floor. I feel like I'm missing out on crucial bonding time by sleeping in my bed.
when your friendship is based on dead babies and vodka there is a delicate balance. lesson learned. for what its worth, you are still my number one.
After 12 shots he decided to show us knife tricks. You can figure out how it ended
I just want a guy that likes cats and is willing to get a vasectomy. IS THAT SO MUCH TO ASK?!
I really want to shower but i'm afraid i'll sober up. My mouth feels like a stripper pole too...
Watching the dude who probably knocked me up be all cute with his girlfriend on my couch. I am too nice, and I hate today.
After a long night of drunk sexting I have to the ninja roll at the front door to see who showed up.
I kept resisting the urge to yell "2 for 2!" so they could hear me on the other side of the wall.
She made this little rubber cap thing that looks like a brain to go on my dick. She calls it a "penis cap". Industrial design students are weird...
Listen I just pulled white girl hair out of my underwear. This has got to stop. I was wearing pants all night.
I'm on the couch watching HGTV googling giant boob Halloween costumes so life is swell
Besides, I'm booked tomorrow. I'm planning on drinking heavily and crying in the bath.
Randomize
