He disabled his match.com account in front of me
Here's my recipe for happiness. Go get a pen. 1. smoke a bowl 2. put on explosions in the sky 3. take a bath. Do this for about 1 hour or until all your problems go away.
he pulled a hernia and i had to get the morning after pill. you tell me how our valentines day went.
It's official. Every single female in their late teens and early 20s get their fb statuses from a pool of cliched "quotes" which all say, without saying, "boys treat me like shit, I know they do, but one day I'll find 'the guy' who will treat me right no matter how psychotic I am." Vom.
I have shoes on. No pants. And my jacket pockets are full of ketchup and grass. Yes. Good night.
I made the bartender pinky promise me there was still vodka in my drinks.
Things found in my vomit last night: cell phone, Von Hayes rookie card, a boot, my dignity
I just dont think you can meet a stranger after youve heard them cum through the walls though
Dude between pissing everywhere and all of those frogs, that bathroom got wrecked.
Going through Bojangles drive thru chanting "KFC" hammered at 8:00 was the highlight.
You answered, dry heaved into the phone twice, & then hung up on me.
like, is this a date?? I'm sitting on his couch drinking a juice box while he makes taquitos in sweat pants
PLEASE LET MY BIRD FUCK YOUR BIRD
Reading becomes significantly more difficult when people are having crazy loud sex in an adjoining room
what a classic moment of my life. A buffet of taco bell and a taser gun.
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