i wonder how he feels talking to my mother about jesus with a condom on his dick
I woke up with semen in my invisalign. My molars were just marinating in it
She just used a turkey baster to transfer alcohol from the glass to the bottle. Just thought you should know
Nothing says Welcome to America than having the international house watch a sorority girl puke over the edge of the porch at 8am.
Sorry I never got back to you, I ended up at a party with pot ice cream, pot apple cider, and hash vegetable oil.
Well, I'm at the grocery store wondering whether I exist or not.
She is watching her grandpa for the day and the dude just whipped it out and started jerking off while watching the View.
From now on I forbid you to refer to it as a "bed". From now on you must only use the phrase "sex wagon".
The guy who bit me so hard two nights ago that I had to put Neosporin on my nipple and the guy in my bed right now are two different people. Help
we got kicked out of her coke dealer's house when we wouldn't stop quoting "a league of their own"
communist
We are so drunk half our team had to bowl with a chaperone. We won every game. We drink
this hospital has no fireball
The other day, he sent me a snapchat of his dick in the forest. He captioned it "nature nudes."
HE CHOSE A RESTAURANT AND MADE A FUCKING RESERVATION. I AM SHOOK
I just punched myself in the vagina to prove a point. Please pray for me.
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