Me= Watching Ferngully. My neighbor= Having really loud sex including multiple orgasms
Oh God
I know, but the worst part is I'm not really sure which I'd rather be doing. Feel free to re-evaluate our friendship
I woke up this morning and thought "Im sure I've seen this house in a porno" and instantly googlemapped myself
I told you not to have sex with her on my futon
I didnt dude, i swear!
either that or you were eating mayo, which was the second thing i told you not to do on my futon
Guy having heart attack in McDonalds. Classic.
I'm not giving my ex her earrings back. If some chick i hated gave me brownies i would still eat them. It's the same thing.
Bad idea. College students cannot afford both alcohol and a cat. Unless said cat is irish, and can feed itself with fifths of whisky.
The family from the blindsided came and talked to us last night. The dad owns 68 taco bells. You would have been so inspired
I'm glad the dog doesn't judge me for doing leftover lines and watching George of the Jungle at 10 am
Buying a large dominoes pizza for a wasted 3 mile walk is the best bad idea ever. My mouth is on fire, probably broke my hand, and i may or may not have eaten street pizza.
How did you break your hand eating pizza?
Boxes are hard to see rocks through.
Just had a talk about safe sex with my mom. Not about protection. About the very real possibility of a "penile fracture". Gotta love having a nurse for a mother.
okay when i look at this i can see it on the future news along with the headline "picture scandal involving senatorial candidate sexually harassing drunken idiot in what appears to be a pink room of pain"
Whatever she smells like compost and feathers.
I believe they call that patchouli.
You should have thought about how you were going to treat me before having me take photos of your asshole.
From one hot mess to another... Get it together.
So I hung out with an australian but woke up with a British man in my bed does that make me culturalized
Randomize
