The bar is filled with bros right now. Sucks I had to pay $5 to find that out.
Yes, it's true. 4 fingers.
Let's play a little game called "Chill the Fuck Out" - you're our first contestant
Im not gonna remember this tomorrow but the real money is in coke i wanna get a dark wood desk and cell coke then i can own taco bell and the xxl chalupa will be mine
I remembered to bring wine in a nalgene bottle, but I forgot sunscreen and water. I'm starting to question my life decisions.
Like I said I'm looking on the bright side. The bright side just happens to be filled with penis attached to hot marines
Who are these men, what are we doing here, how is this helping us toward our goals of sex and pasta? Things to consider.
Remember last time I drank with my mom? I asked if I got my dick sucking abilities from her.
Cheese, the small of a woman's back, the universe, mountains, vampiric demons, sleep, and dreams.
I just watched an old episode of Daria while eating brownies to cure day drunkness. Clearly I'm winning at adulting today.
Oh. Why can't it be something easy, like a punch card for blowjobs?
He just peed in the cab. I repeat..IN.
Do you think if I explain to her I want to have loud, unprotected sex with her sister she'll understand?
all I want for my birthday is booze and sex toys. don't bother calling if neither of those are included.
I don’t know how to sext. What do you say? What do you don’t say?
Just start quoting WAP lyrics.
Randomize
