My professor is talking about sperm and all I can think about is my mouth
the vast amounts of cleavage i'm sporting to my final says "no, I didn't study but don't worry I've got something lined up for when I don't graduate".
i just realized why god gave us younger siblings....to DD for us when we come home for the summers
But I always wanted my obit to read "Died violently in casino orgy," not "Never woke up from rectal surgery."
To be honest I don't know what's worse, the fact that I interupted their shower sex or the fact that I was so drunk I used the adjoining stall anyway
I just saw a sign that said "STRIPPERS!!! As seen on Jerry Springer!". As if Springer is the highest honor. I'm pretty sure we're in south Georgia.
she had a concussion and she still scored nine points higher than me on the midterm
Lauren she was gnawing on a dresser. Gnawing. On. A. Dresser.
He was trying to be aggressive in bed, but in reality, it was like watching a declawed cat try to climb a curtain. They WANT it, they just can't DO it.
they had to hand cuff you because you wouldn't stop trying to unzip the paramedic's pants...this is why i love you
You get to be the grown up. Leave a ciabatta by his face.
I was grinding on people that were grinding. Nonconsensual.
I snapchatted his face mid sex. Needless to say, I don't think I'll ever see him again.
mid-october of freshman year. goals have shifted from "no more guys on my floor" to "all the guys on my floor."
I'm sorry for peeing on you last night. Will cookies make up for it?
Randomize
