This is your typical "sorry i got drunk and tried to seduce you into having sex while you were throwing up" text.
she'd have to be at LEAST a cup size bigger for me to even consider putting up with her voice
i am too hungover to go to class can you just call me and put it on speaker phone
His fuck buddy just got fake tits and wants him to 'come break them in.' I need his life.
I puked on myself in front of a customer. all. over. myself. thanks Saturday nights
You did that scary laugh you always do when you're blacking out except she's never heard it before and though you were choking and screamed at all of us when we didn't call an ambulance
I hate find pieces of condom wrappers on carpet. It's like god is throwing flakes of shame for me to vacuum up
And I don't know if this is really ESP, or just a crazy feeling, but I'm pretty sure he has an std. Or at least a cold.
you walked in, put on rap music and started chugging vodka
I don't think he cares about your inhospitable uterus.
He made a playlist to use during sex...that ended with The Ultimate Warrior's entrance music.
a large sweaty girl i dont know is sleeping in my bed. A scotish man and a small child looking dude are on the couches im on the floor sleeping and im ok with it
RICK BROUGHT THE HOT BARTENDER HOME. SOMEONE CALL THE FIRE DEPARTMENT, CUZ RICKYS ON FIIIIIIIRE.
lmao nvm she punched him in the face and left
I just choked eating whip cream from the can, and peed a little because I was coughing so hard. How am I still single.
Same encounter she body slammed me to the floor and than humped me
Randomize
