Hey, go out with us like you promised. You're younger than us and should be able to handle your coke problem with grace.
Uhh me and Jacque peed on the street outside the bar last night and wiped with flowers. I vaguely remember her repeating the word "fresh" over and over.
totally just realized while washing my face that Cetaphil looks like semen.
I mean i might have to drop this class tomorrow. I just walked into a midterm
Do you think girls in gamma phi sit around and think about how much they suck?
She twisted her ankle and paid a homeless guy for a piggy back ride home from the bar.
That girl next to you randomly said that she fits into a queen sized pillow case
WTF.
I mean, that's eating your cake and fucking it too.
When I die I just want my headstone to my name, date of birth-death, and TEQUILA!!
I just puked in my courtyard and dripped toothpaste in my chest hair. You better be getting laid or this drunk is wasted.
don't worry about my dad. he just hates you because you're liberal, not because we're fucking.
woke up. showered n got ready. had sex. and was still 15 minutes early to work... its gonna be a good day!
It's OK, I woke up in a drag queen's bed last weekend. It took me forever to get the glitter out of my cleavage.
I sent her a dick pic and used brett Favre's dick pick. She asked me why I had pictures of old men's dicks saved on my phone... I just can't win bro
I'm totes in the mood to go home and like blindly inhale dangerous amounts of porn
Randomize
