SECOND walk of shame from the westside Hilton, SECOND foreign family w kids staring at me in my dress, glitter purse, spiky heels and booze breath. I said I was going to church. More confusion.
Just got off the phone with poison control. They're more concerned about our alcohol intake than that the beer bong was last cleaned with pine sol.
And I was slip and sliding my life away on a giant tarp with tons of soap and bitches. Priorities man, priorities.
I would not be 19 again if you paid me. Guess who found naked pictures of themselves? Fuck cocaine
I don't know what I wash first. My body or my puke painted car. People are judging me as I drive by.
Just found out I called my mom at six in the morning to ask where the bong was. I win.
So high I started crying because I was proud of Snoop Dogg for becoming Snoop Lion
Just walk up to him nice, spread your legs like smooth peanut butter on toast and scream "LOOK AT MY BEAVER! LOOK AT IT!!"
I feel like the way dolphins mate would be the approach that a guy would have to use in order for you to sleep with them
I greatly enjoy being related to her. Even if is it only by a penis.
Bringing families together since 1987
our relationship was basically a one night stand, with a three week long, morning after
Also...I'm semi-dating the drug dealer that took me to bible study
My hungover walk of shame was interrupted by a stranger on a balcony throwing me a beer to shotgun... at 10 a.m....
I don't know whether to be insulted or flattered that I am being propositioned to have a threesome only if I wear my cat onesie
Just used the pen i got in my signing ceremony to pack down my bowl. coach would be proud
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