at a bar with my ex girlfriend.. both men AND WOMEN are hitting on her.. and not one has even looked at me
I told him I would sleep with him if he could name all the colors of the wind.
we where pretty evenly matched until he threw me through that wall
Well, a cop just pulled up. This could go either way.
Under no circumstances is it ok to do naked cartwheels in front of anyone. i don't care how much ecstasy you took
Are we doing anything tonight after class for Valentine's Day or just being lazy and having sex?
If you expect me to say anything other than 'lazy and sex' you're crazzzzy!
My ex was there, the 2 girls I'm seeing showed up and I had a pocket full of VIP passes 2 the strip club. Had all the makings of an epic night but I fell asleep at the bar.
Turns out floaties are a great thing after a couple bottles of vodka
WHY ARE THERE SO MANY BURPS IN MY SMALL, INCREDIBLY ATTRACTIVE BODY
are you putting in a lot of effort today like appearance wise
I am taking my rightful place as emperor of the undead appearance wise
I'm using her Instagram as a way to know where in town she is so I can avoid her lol
Today I had sex and flossed at the same time. My relationship goals have been exceeded.
It's not even 8 pm, or Saint Patrick's Day, and Kevin is drunk on my roof humping the air
To show us how offended you were you took off the right foot of your pterodactyl suit and proceeded to attack us with it.
She said she didn't care that I was gay and wants to ride the fucking rainbow
Randomize
