I'm gonna put my relationship status as "widowed" to see if it helps me get some poon.
Shit sorry. Maybe I wont give you this sweet ass fanny pack I found in my parents attic
We have a tower of vodka coming. OF VODKA
Also, ran into my neighbor across the street. He told me about scheduling his vasectomy. We are officially way beyond the acceptable point for asking his name again.
Listen to my proposal.... I feed you crackers while I fuck you ever so gently.
I think I won over his best friend. He was staring at my boobs all night.
all i remember is walking in on u shitting and crying listening to shawty get loose. its safe to say this break up has taken a toll on u
He's German, so by default he gets to fuck me.
Drinking and pointing where stuff needs to go is hard stuff.
His buddy came running in the room after we had sex, and started "sponging" the sweat off my forehead with his sport wristband.
my mom said i came home and fell asleep on the floor. like right in front of her.
Are we going to go home and do it or do I have time to eat my nachos bell grande first?
Damn him and his beautiful face and body and penis.
When you trip so hard that you can see your friends thoughts through their pupils.
Come home... I’m drinking and playing with knives
Randomize
