You just took 4 shots. 2 of them were maple syrup.
The bouncer asked you what your sign was and u replied "syracuse"
No joke. Last we saw of him he was naked and dragging that stupid goat into the bushes.
slowly transforming into a stationary lump of steel. how can you tell me that was JUST weed
i was wearing footie pjs. how could there be confusion as to who i hooked up with, thats not something you forget
How is it possible that I am in a completely different city, and there are 2 dudes here that I've banged? How????
I want to get "Patrick Kane" wasted tonight
I am one hundred percent down for that
I don't think he cares about your inhospitable uterus.
I got into the shower with my underwear on. I just sat down in the tub and tried to figure out when I lost all control of this hangover.
moral of the story: if your going to mix ambien and free skyclub alcohol, take a direct flight or have a layover in a city you wouldn't mind having to return to for a court date.
Currently rolling a blunt in the bathroom of Planned Parenthood
We fucked while The Odyssey played in the background. Homer would be proud.
Kinda suprised you didn't immediately ask about the lesbian ghosts tho
Just had a small freak out because I couldn't get my bra unhooked and thought I was gonna be stuck in it forever.
so on a scale from morning glass of wine to that time i burnt the garage down how drunk were you last night
About 'lets tie a boat to a truck and ride it down the freeway'
Randomize