it was almost as awkward as hearing my parents on friday nights in 2 in the morning starting, and than hearing at 2:01 my dad getting up and my mom going "i should have married a man"
I hate myself for saying your mom and I have the same friday nights.
don't worry... so do I
so how much must it suck for him to know that the penis of his best man has been in his wife's mouth before?
We stopped her at 12
12 shots? Or 12 midnight?
Which answer would freak you out less
she told me I give head better than a lesbian. I know it's a great compliment but it kind of threw me off.
Umm. Any where really. Alcohol and boobs. Those are the requirements.
Or they can chase TEQUILA shots with it. I don't know why my phone capitalizes TEQUILA.
my wrists were so small for the handcuffs, i could slip them off and hand the tow truck driver my keys....
doing laundry. just found my fishnets from Friday. the ENTIRE crotch is torn out. guess that answers the "did we have sex in the cab" question.....
Guess who has two thumbs and just fell outta his car and almost peed himself
Crazy fun. I think I got a concussion from a stripper
I find it ironic...the gays are dying to get married & I just want a fucking divorce
Don't be the guy that has his dick out at work.
In her defense, she didn't know I had a twin brother. Plus, we're even: I banged her sister.
He's nice to look at and knows the difference between your and you're. I win.
My face feels like a midget just gave birth to quintuplets
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