i only shaved half my leg
on purpose
Thursdays are my worst days
but now we sippin champagne when we thirstay?
i was hoping the water fountain would somehow shoot out vodka this morning
I knew his night was already over when he started marking lines on the bottle and setting goals
Now she's making me sit here and look at pictures of guys she likes who look like bears. She's calling them her bear friends.
my mom just left...time to break out that water bottle of wine that I sewed into my teddy bear
Going to the u of w I constantly have that moment of, oh hey I felt you up at that rave at folk fest that one time. Winnipeg is too small.
No gay bar. My eyemake up looks like sex and Im using these dick daggers of mine tonight.
I was afraid someone would drug test my pants so you set them on fire.
She shoved a hot dog in my pocket and started grinding on it.
Welp, I've officially cried in every Chipotle bathroom in the city. Correlation or causation?
I don't want my vagina anymore.
oh you can't commit, don't have any real ambitions, and love to drink PBR? well.... sign me up!
Have you ever forgotten how to pee? I did last night. Standing in front of the urinal with dick in hand. WTF were we drinking???
How did the test come back?
I've never been so happy to have a yeast infection. And i got a free pack of birth control
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