My mom says you aren't allowed to eat doritos at my house
In retrospect, it was a terrible idea, going down on her with these ulcers in my mouth.
how was your night?
well, i just purchased 'sorry for being a drunk whore' cupcakes. how do you think my night was?
you lied. pity sex is amazing.
i was focused on more important things... like standing, and not spilling my beer
But Monday we'll be living in a post-apocalyptic hellscape. Also, I'm going to a champagne tasting.
I'll be accepting presents in the forms of drinks, drugs, and orgasms. So any or all of those will be fine.
I mean two cocks this time. Trust me, I'm not gonna pull the same stunts as last time in this situation
A guy in a banana suit just got the whole bus to participate in a call and response version of Bohemian Rhapsody. HERO
you really need to remember next time not to write your name and phone number on the paper its wrapped in.
But what if it got lost?
its illegal. you dont want people to contact you if they find it.
Let's just say his oral game was lacking. Hell, lacking is too nice of a word to describe it.
Have you ever been so drunk you pass out in the cab and everyone goes inside and forgets about you? I have
We were in the uber and you were crying because you wanted to be an Olympic gymnast. The driver tried to console you and you just cried harder
Is it fucked up to venmo someone for plan-b?
Ran into my FWB on my walk of shame and went back to her place. Even my walk of shames are awesome!!!
Randomize
