Just saw truck nuts on a handicap conversion van
my dog ran away and came back with a marajuana plant. what are you doing tonight?
I feel so much closer to you now that I heard your poop splash into the toilet.
I will not ride trays down a flight of stairs topless and drunk....
I hope the doctor doesnt lift up and my shirt and listen to my lungs. I dont want to explain why I have rug burns on my back.
I always have trouble explaining my life decisions to people over the age of 30.
Sorry, but you probably shouldn't come over. I'm too sober for this.
Nothing is better than seeing someone you fucked go to the Olympics. I feel so American.
Best compliment ever: Being told that you really understand sex by a professional. After she gave you a HANDJOB.
You think you're smart. You're pretending to be asleep to save yourself from my hormonal pms mood swings. Unfortunately that only works against bears.
I could not handle jail. And my very angry parents.
the kid next to me in math class is drawing gay porn. it's good, but that is beside the point
I had to reschedule my trainer meeting so now I'm just here eating hot pockets
I woke up this morning to find my closet lacking 98% of my clothes and a text from my male roommate saying your dresses squeeze my genitals
my lips are numb and my face feels like a pool. PENGUINSSSSSS
Share, now.
Randomize
