every time i send "do you want some cock" to her T9 manages to change it to "anal"...i think she's mad now
I drank so much Goldschläger last night, I could shit a necklace.
Your scrotum should have touched every square inch of that place by now. Start with the water fountain.
Nothing like throwing up 1/2 price appatizers and 2 4 1 personal pitcher in uniform to remind myself what a succesful failure I am
Your two fuck buddies playing ping pong together. HOW. ADORABLE!
I mean, once you get beat with a dildo you can't look at someone the same
it was like lady and the tramp only with a jello shot on the pool table
Her fucking playlist had randy newman on it. It was like woody was watching the whole time.
its the kind of night you break several limbs and say you were lucky
Please tell me you werent the one who replaced every beer bottle in my fridge with a picture of a baby kitten.
... and if i was..
Fuck. You.
Also I like this area. Lots of places for me to get tacos.
There was a trampoline and tequila. It was glorious.
Reasons I shouldn't drink... My twitter drafts keep getting more and more emotional.
I have never paid for drugs and I'm sure not going to start today especially on a holiday
I guarantee you he will only fuck with old bitches from now on
Randomize
