um. i met him on myspace...we text now, he lives down the street
How the hell am I supposed to know what lotion to get her? They should have a dressing booth where I could go test how good it is for jerking off, then I'd know.
It is 8 o'clock in the morning and there is already blood all over one of the stalls in the bathroom. What has your St. Patrick's day done for you?
I had to call maintenance to come unclog the toilet.
Something to remember me by.
I have to stop drunkenly making out with guys just because they're tall or have a beard.
Drinking gin at a party, riding a giant inflatable walrus all around the living room.
There's a bag in my room with garbage, a thong, fritos, and an electrical cord. I'm assuming it's yours
........yyyyyyeah that's me
Turns out the dorm toilet can't take a punch. Gonna be a long year without Mexican food.
I just fell down my stairs, guess that's how my sunday is gonna go
Good friends go out of their way to crop dust your ex not once but twice. I knew we were friends for a reason
then a garbage truck rolls up to the club, they hop out, and walk right in like they own the place
I’m pretty sure I have teeth marks on my neck
I just met his mom for the first time with a hang over. Then we went to watch his 8 year old cousin get baptized. Apparently his family loves me. I should drink more often.
I'm seriously scared right now. Woke up next to 3 geese and a lot of feathers ..
she bought my drinks all night, made me breakfast in the morning, and let me use her expensive hair products before i left. best one night stand ever.
Randomize
