when I sang my humps to you I meant it.
Waking and baking has revolutionized how i brush my teeth. Seriously up to like 25 min everry morn. Highly recommend
I maybe just had sex outside in broad daylight. At a state park. Please be proud.
My ex came to my place while I was gone. Random things he took: snow shoes, my laundry quarters, a decorative picture, all my condiments, the container that held my rice and a sticker off my wallet. Then left a note saying he watered my plants and fed my cats. What. The. Fuck.
HOW DID YOU END UP IN THE BATHROOM WITH A DANCER AFTER 12 MINUTES?
YOU ARE NOT A BOTTLE OF RUM THEREFORE I DONT KNOW HOW TO LOVE YOU
stef broke her leg trying to vault over the coffee table. these olympics drinking games are going to fucking kill us
I just laughed at the word pudding. I have no idea whats going on right now.
the bride at the wedding we just crashed said we can stay only if we strip for her. You need to get down here
The feeling are messing with the penis
Today's walk of shame includes last nights hair and make up, an 8 hour shift, me leading a meeting and me throwing up in a parking lot on my way to work. Dear world, you're welcome.
I just smoked by myself in my childhood bedroom, how happy does it seem I am to be home for Christmas?
I am eating a king sized snickers in the strip club. Good morning.
Wait is this place where the strippers are missing teeth and I think one is missing a thumb? Though I don't know how she would maneuver on the pole without a thumb. Pls advise.
I threw up outside. Then I peed got off the toilet and threw up. While I threw up u pulled up my pants. Not my best moment
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