foreplay: 7 minutes. sex: 3 minutes. cuddling: 10 minutes. getting dressed: 5 minutes. commute: 5 minutes.
Man THE POSTAL SERVICE is awesome when I'm high..... But they suck when I'm sober.
just spent about 3 1/2 hours looking for a dollar so I can buy weed.
suggestion: become a stripper.
i could totally date him if i was just drunk the whole relationship
just fucked my old babysitter, gotta love block parties
You made a list of reasons why you should be on fear factor. You came up with 2 reasons: "I like fear" and "I am fear"
The bar posted my picture because my name changes with each new fake i get. i'm getting a wig.
If you're trying to subtly tell me that I look like Connie Chung, just stop it. I already know.
I woke up exactly where I passed out... on top of him yet he somehow put his pants back on
There's always the 'not have sex with the drunk girl I just met at some party' option.
That was the plan but Tequila showed up at the party too.
If you invite me to a bar tonight my liver will kick you in the testicles
All hell broke loose. When the police showed up, this kid somehow haggled with a cop to let him pee in public. I'm convinced he could talk the panties off of a nun
How weird would it be to ask your bro to 3d print your dick for me
He held my hair back for me while i vomited in my driveway last night and i repayed him by farting mid-heave.
You know you started drinking too early in the day when you have a hangover at midnight
thats called having FUN
Randomize
