It doesn't matter if they shave you or not, you're still susceptible to the staph infection.
I knocked on some strangers door, you didn't have to give me a fake hotel room number
you made wolf sounds and yelled "team me" the entire movie
I'm sober enough to realize she looks like a man, but drunk enough to do it anyways
She said I had the biggest dick she'd ever seen. And when you consider how many she's come in contact with, it's kind of like winning the heisman.
I never thought your mom would see me throwing up on my hands and knees in your front yard
Oh and probably wearing a life jacket instead of clothes didn't help things either
I've made a list of places I want to have sex this summer. #1: Reptile House at the zoo.
well I woke up with about $3 in odd change and a note that said "I'm borrowing your weed." So, no, it didn't go to well.
I haven't taken a solid shit in four weeks. Do you know what started four weeks ago? Alcohol and dining hall food. Fucking college.
Do you think I'm short enough to dress up in a ghost costume and go trick or treating and have people believe that I'm actually a child?
I wish I could have a tequila IV with me all the time. Intravenous tequila intoxication.
I sleep better at night when I win things. I never really weep for others.
He changed the password on his Netflix account. The break up is official.
Saw your dad at the bar last night... And again this morning when he left. Told you not to mess with me bitch.
Randomize
