I'm just looking at Lindsay Lohan's vagina.
Oh yea! I was just doing that too!
guess who just got paired up at the beer pong table with the fat girl who's nipples are hanging out...
...there is blood under my fingernails.
...I hope my roomates are okay.
I'm lit.While shaving my legs I pretended the razor was a tractor cutting down corn. Noises included.
I have no recollection of sleep choking you
she could've warned me his penis was curved
ya i dont think she expected you to get with her boyfriend.
I started singing the national anthem on a train in London. Happy 4th of July assholes
God, for the last time, no I did not break my nose doing a keg-stand just for a nose job.
I wish Samuel L. Jackson would narrate our bar crawls
I'm going to buy her a puppy, let her fall in love with it, then kill it in front of her. Does that answer how I feel about her?
Dude, why did I wake up with ketchup packets in my bed and the stove in my room??
This was the first funeral I've ever attended where I had to pee behind a bush cuz someone was passed-out drunk in the locked bathroom. Steve would have been proud.
We told the cop that we were playing soccer, in flip flops, and 2:30 in the morning. It was raining and i had board shorts on. He bought it, lets go get drunk
There are footprints all over my windshield
You said you were making waffles...
breakfast this morning: omelette, Valium and baileys hot chocolate
Now that sounds like the breakfast of champions
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