You say "arrested with two drunk girls" like it's a bad thing....
i wonder what thom yorke's orgasms sound like
When he took off his pants i accidently shouted "that is one small wiener," and thats when he left
you'd think someone with a dick that small would take what he could get
I just mixed tequila and nyquil in front of dad. hes making ambulance jokes but let me tell you its DELICIOUSSS
He just left me a message saying he left the rest of the weed for me. Did i just get paid for sex? And if yes did i just get paid in drugs?
I think she must be bulimic. I mean, every time I see her I know i want to throw up.
was it morally wrong to have used his girlfriends makeup after i fucked him?
EVERY guy that's EVER been in my vagina has texted me tonight for a booty call. Narrow it down to the greatest hits or just work in timeline order?
Well, when he's back from China he's probably gonna be pissed I used the spare key he gave me to prove to everyone I'm fucking an NBA player. We took all his booze too.
Can we agree to not tell mom about this?
This isnt even the most disappointing thing i know about you.
one renamed every person in my phone 'I lpvw tewqils', so it would really help me out if you could text me your name. Happy sunday!
My taste buds are fucked up, everything tastes like fire after last night.
Well we went from the roof to the stairwell to an air mattres. One day were going to fuck in a bed
I just laughed so hard that my back cracked so hard that I thought I was cumming. Magic
This text constitutes a formal request for sexual congress under the terms of our Relationship Agreement.
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