Kicked off drink for Jesus month by puking in my mouth while talking to my priest...real cool
The best thing happened. Some guy was butchering Conway Twitty at karoke and the power went off in the whole bar. And someone shouted "you pissed jesus off when you messed with conway!"
i wish peter jackson would direct porn
she looked me in the eyes and called me a poet because i was singing lady gaga, then she fell over...
So much for not drinking this week after this weekend.. Congratulations. U made it until tuesday.
He's coming over, and I hope he doesn't get hungry. I'm sure its not proper protocol to bring one booty call to another booty call's house for the munchies.
second attempt at shower sex: failed after the water turned orange bc of a fire up the street. this is just not meant to be
In other news, shitting yourself is not an acceptable way to start a Thursday.
No no no no no no.... That's my emergency bottle for when I realize I've hit rock bottom
fuck it. from now on whatever room i wake up in, i'm stealing clothes from. this walk of shame shit is too much without pants
Honestly, it's his loss. He went for the free sample when he could've gotten the whole package, babes.
does that make me the free sample at the grocery store he didn't like enough to buy...? yeah, that advice didn't help, but thanks.
I call him Seabiscuit because he's my trusty steed
I made a joke about The Hemingway being a really boring sex position where you blandly describe all the action and then kill yourself after you orgasm. He stopped responding. I've GOT to stop talking to everyone like they're you.
Serious question: is he hot or is my vagina just that barren?
I love my cat. she doesnt judge when i stumble in my house drunk and pass out on my floor. my dog looks at me disappointed.
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