she told me she had a boyfriend but the alcohol told me she didn't
Bro, I met the coolest hottest chick tonight and she has the hottest friends.
Where are you?
Strip Club
his ringtone is the jonas brothers. get me the fuck out of here NOW.
You just kept saying over and over "Tell me I won't do it." Someone finally told you you won't. You did. Welcome to herpes.
there's no such thing as luck on your birthday, only drunken invincibility, make it happen
and then he put stevie wonder on to fuck to...and hummed along as I blew him
Woke up to pictures of me cooking wings with a blow torch.
Pretty sure he sprained my tongue. This is why you don't hook up with gingers.
He stood up, threw the bag of bud between me and Tory, yelled "Fight" and then ran upstairs for the pizza
Did you know that scruff feels epic on boobs especially when they are covered in whip cream?
New one-upper goal: I have to shit off the side of a moving train then jump off
do you ever just look around and think about how great it is to have depth perception? Like it's really, really cool when u think about it
I woke up with a pube in my teeth...I'm disturbed cause we're both clean shaven
Come cuddle! I'll be passed out somewhere in the library. It'll be like a scavenger hunt!
Apparently when you start crushing adderall and blending them into your margaritas calling them blenderalls you have "a problem" WTF
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