I heard we made out
How the fuck did you go into work today? You are a better man than I. I couldn't even show up to being unemployed on time.
Who has a tranny cab driver? I have a tranny cab driver.
dude when im high using logic is an accomplishment that should be rewarded. make sure u get cinnamon twists
He's upstairs shouting 'FUCK OFF I'M IN MY MOTHERFUCKING ZEN ZONE' out of the window.
We all just did coke and we're coloring so if you're sober its pointless for you to come over here
the last time I drank tequila I ended up riding your skateboard nude down the street... so yeah, I'll have a few shots.
FUCK YOU AND YOUR WEAK ASS EYEBROWS
If he doesn't give you the same feelings you get when the pizza guy arrives, he's probably not worth it.
New drinking game idea: Take a shot for every republican you see on facebook bitching about the ruling.
I am serious when I say I think I broke a rib having sex with Kyle. It might be puncturing my lung. No lie. I might die today.
She kept giving the uber driving directions and we all thought they were wrong so we'd send him the other way. Turns out she wasn't guiding us home, but to the half gallon that she hid in the bushes on the way to the bar.
I think you're literally the first guy to ever pick up a chick from pinterest.
Well supposedly when the cops came, they say I tried to get them in a conga line like Jim Carrey in The Mask. So....yea
I can still taste your cum in my mouth and my in-laws are coming over. This should go well.
Randomize
