woke up at my desk with a paper in front of me that says "people stranded on islands love having wet dreams" what the fuck happened last night
Why am I drunk on a roof painting at 11 in the morning
It would be been irresponsible not to make cleaning the apartment into a drinking game
Only if you bring Listerine. I can't come home to my husband from a bachelorette party with spermbreath again.
the cop cuffed us all with 40's still taped to our hands
I admit it's going to be hard to top a limo orgy and Mcnuggets....but I have faith in you
Nice. Don't spend your therapist's co-pay on Jaeger bombs.
He is dust bro dust in the wind I waited in this unlocked car long enough.
Get here, there are important joints to be smoked and pies to be eaten
I just imagined myself as R2-D2 and you as C3P0 walking around the Vegas desert looking for alcohol
I tried to trade my phone for pizza last night. I guess I had priorities last night
Man I was just the closest I've ever been to crapping my pants.
Tbh I would eat a grilled cheese off your dick.
thanks for supporting my whoreish tendencies
Oh my god, my vagina is cursed. He's cursed my vagina so that no one but him can maintain a boner around me. I'm sure of it.
Randomize
