You love popeyes more than me
does delicious chicken come out of your vagina?
I just won Halloween Walk of Shame Bingo!
But it was well worth it to see a man fly through the air in a beaver costume...
What happened to him?
He was walking right behind us then disappeared.. turns out he checked his luggage at a night club, continued to drink and dance, then slept on the 4th floor of some museum
His bootycalls folder in his contacts are divided into regions, we should have all become airline pilots.
The to do list extremely baked self wrote for me last night says "1. Join gym 2. Passport? 3. Join a gym" And then just a drawing of a squid
If your wondering why there is a puddle on the floor is I may have decided to make a kiddie pool in your living room.
I will pre answer that I did not see it the fun way. He was peeing outside.
I think I might get 604 tattooed on my ass tonight...
when I die covered in cocaine, hookers, and tequila at 73 years old just remember that I once had a tweet with that many retweets
I love the fact that my Mom has been present at 90% of my drug deals.
Next time I try to break into the police station drunk, please stop me.
And I had on a penis ring on the whole time at dinner. And I ate veal...
skipped tacos for a blowjob. No tacos. No blowjob. More importantly...no tacos. Wtf?
It's not a hangover, it's "slept on a couch with another person and said person moves a lot and is loud"
Randomize
