I was able to overlook the Affliction tee until he took it off and there was another tattooed on his body.
Was it at least attractive minus the Gargoyles or skulls... or whatever affliction is putting out these days?
Even a greek god couldn't pull it off. Told him I like Ed Hardy Better. Death Before Dishonor, baby. I'm sure it was a painful blow. hopefully he understands sarcasm.
I was like, "um, that's my butthole."
you used progresso chicken soup as a mixer last night
on the way to work, i saw an empty wine bottle sitting in the middle of an intersection. i thought of you.
i can respect that.
so, is "hi, did i take your virginity six years ago and never call afterwards?" an appropriate greeting in a bar?
if you want blown tonight you're gonna have to take me up on that offer now. in less then 45 minutes you're gonna be blacked out and i'm not doing something i'm not getting credit for in the morning.
I heard him say "bet you won't", look over 10 seconds later and she's blowing him.....looked eloquent under the glow of a camp fire.
YOU DON'T JUST GET TO CALL AND SAY YOU MIGHT BE DEAD, THEN NOT ANSWER!
You know what a wolf looks like when it kills a small animal? How it shakes it around in it's mouth? I did that to a bag of Taco Bell last night
Thanks for that golden cinnamony goodness that flowed from your fake tits last night haha
I'm sorry. I slept with him again. On the plus side he's got better at it!
I'm supposed to be at work in 10 min, I just woke up and am 45 min away...tinder for the win
I threw up in the bathtub last night like a decent human being.
she is legit trying to fuck me to death between her and work i haven't slept in 3 days and have at least 16 hours to go before sleep is a possibility. can i crash at your place she doesnt know where you live
He licked me while I ate pretzels and chips. I was really living my best life.
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