There is a man on the balcony beside me who claims he is a triceratops. He roared and asked me for a cigarette, telling me he'd eat me if I refused. I love college.
Sam Adams makes it so easy to keep track of the seasons.
enterprise is going to pick me up, im too high for this
I just found ouut you can get a DUI in a kayak. Fuck.
In the middle of fucking me, she said "Hold on, I need my Hulk hands."
I lost a little respect for your boyfriend when I learned that he has a scar from a Cheerio.
I've used my house key more to do bumps of coke than I've used it to get in my house.
I imagine my service panda will provide sufficient protection. At the very least it will be an irresistible cuddly distraction while I make good my escape.
So I bet a guy he could drink two irish car bombs faster than me and I lost. now he gets to name our first son. sory.
You gave me a bottle of tequila and introduced me to a ginger named cowboy. I actually love you.
I tried to be mean but not so mean that he won't bone me next weekend
Dude. Got a sore throat. Don't know if it's because my body is rejecting Michigan or cause of the bad ass blow job I gave last night
Just slather his penis with BBQ sauce
last night you said that you wanted to hold my dick as you slept because it was like having a stuffed animal.
You're lucky I just like fucking you because you would really suck at being a boyfriend.
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