I had to get a ride home from that girl that slept with 3/4 of the band
I don't smoke a lot but now and then I do. Weed and I are like still standing naked in a bathroom together deciding if we should blow one another or bolt for the exit. An awkward relationship.
It was all about her orgasm last night. I felt like a human dildo.
Don't know how I even got in. I pulled my id out and threw it at the bouncer, and he just picked it up, checked it, and let me in.
i have to go- we're throwing the dummy from the balcony again
It's like being the dunk pilot of a plane full of pornstars and drunkenness.
Upside of a two-day migraine: thanks to a prominent "E" in the middle of every pill, I think we can totally pass off Excedrine Migraine as ecstasy to stupid, drunk freshman. This is totally going to happen. That entrepreneurship course is paying off.
Theres a picture of you standing next to a John Wayne cardboard cutout that says dont drink and drive. your buddy is shirtless holding a beer and youre holding your keys up with marker on your face.
No kidding. I just keep looking at that 'under 21 until 11/21/2011' on my id and whispering "soon enough"
If she doesn't judge me for bringing my vibrator in the tanning bed, I know she is a true friend.
I find out next week of the Australian was lying about his vasectomy or not. Keep your fingers crossed!
I told him that I wanted his dick like I wanted a jumbo hot dog. There something wrong with my priorities
so you 69ed him in the parking lot of your apartment
yah I won't allow him in my apartment
You know you're more responsible when you turn down your bed and make a clear path to it before you go out..
no dude he sent me cemetery flowers, i know it. they are half dried out roses in the shape of a cross, seriously. and he is not religious. so he robbed a freaking grave site for me. am i like an accessory to grave robbing now??
damnit this is what you get for dating guys with neck tattoos
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