Not sure what happened last night, but there are four mini bikes outside and some guy is wearing my shirt passed out in the breakfast nook. Won't be telling the grand kids about this one.
yah I made NO friends last night. at one point i think i replaced talking with spitting
thanks for not screaming that I'm pregnant when that guy was giving me his number.
it was great that she threw up because that made me the only one trying to hook up with her
She challenged me to a game of rock-paper-scissors for her virginity. I love this girl.
I feel so much closer to you now that I heard your poop splash into the toilet.
I crashed her parents' car cause she was giving me road head. Its probably best to just let them think I'm a bad driver.
Thats gotta be it. Also just found out that the fireworks will fit in the airsoft pistols...we are all gonna die
i asked him to talk to me in french while we fucked and halfway through i caught the word 'lasagna'. turns out he was making his grocery list.....i asked him to keep going.
I feel like a pile of chihuahua shit that got eaten by a Great Dane who puked it up and then set it on fire.
Jesus christ. I put you on speaker when you called me last night and you told me to brush my teeth with a dick.
I buy a new bowl every time I get a new guy. It's retail therapy.
He said "send me a motivational picture" so I sent one with mayo on my face that said "clearly I'm no stranger to white stuff on my face"...I'm the fuckingng worst
this periodpocalypse needs to be over. I need head
yea, she was legit pissed that her rasberry vodka ice cubes never actually froze. but we couldnt convince her otherwise.
Randomize
