I think I'm going to go home and read The Bible.
She acts like you when your on meds
She acts like batman?
I think my mom's writing a book called how to fuck with your kids when you know they're high
I don't even have to sign up for karaoke at duncans anymore. The karaoke ppl just sign me up themselves. Without my consent. I also sang stacys mom to some lady named Stacy who's mom died yesterday.
Some old truck driver just made me smell his beard I hope tonight turns out better
Currently trying to figure out if the guy has a cane next to me or brought a weird dildo to the bar
Back of his car in the Starbucks parking lot WITH HIS APRON STILL ON. Check and Mate.
Holy shit. You won barista bingo AND the Triple Crown in one day.
Classic dick move. Breaking up your buddies 3-some by coming into his room and doing the Harlem Shake.
I have a cracked rib, no way in hell I'm bottoming for him tonight!
I also point out to everyone that she looks like DJ's gf on Roseanne.
This is not my bathroom and these are not my pants
Jessica just ate her lipstick. That's how the night is going
I am all the way hung over and want nothing more in this world than a McMuffin. Happy day after Thanksgiving.
Just took acid. Wish me luck.
I worked out twice today and you're dropping acid. My life sucks.
Thanks for duct tapping my dick to my leg while I was passed out. I could only aim straight down. I stood on your bed. Have a nice day at work!
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