He's still on the phone with him. This is unnatural. Dudes don't call other dudes just to talk.
I just rubbed my dick on something in your apartment. Can you guess what?
you started crying about dinosaurs being extinct
that's why i woke up holding that dina girls hand
she's a dina-saur
I've decided I'm just gonna keep drinking til the baby bump shows...
A very small part of me wants you to appreciate me for more than just my breasts. But the rest of me is breasts.
Im not spending 10 to get hit on by potential transexuals even if they are cuter than most of the girls I dated.
when life gives you lemons, puke and rally.
Ok. I am hammered I will admit it but my legacy needs to live and your the only woman that could spawn satan. We need to talk.
Let's get weird.
It's 10 am...
I'm assuming that means you're not busy...
As I came the Sportcenter app played that "dah nuh nuh" chime. Top ten life highlight?
Rule 1: If any of us dies on a trip, the other two have to 'Weekend at Bernies' the shit outta that corpse...
I just did a shot of Jameson and two shots of cuervo. Note: this is the moment things went down hill
Omg my butt feels so much better. Those suppositories are magic. It feels like Jesus fingered me in my sleep.
I found Erin. She's getting a back massage from the coat check boy and drinking all his whiskey.
Dick pics just aren’t doing it for me, this bowl of Mac n cheese and Game of Thrones trump you tenfold
Randomize
