is it bad if my mug shot looks better than my profile picture?
I just threw up and a whole piece of spaghetti came out of my nose. I don't even remember eating spaghetti.
Fuck morning classes. Fuck early work. Fuck anything in the morning that doesn't involve sleeping, sex or bacon.
I queefed so loud it echoed.
You know what sound is wonderful for a hangover? Listening to the horns from the South Africans at the world cup
Oh and fyi, I've been drinking and about to do free weights. I'll late you know how this goes.
he'll be my respectable boyfriend for tksgiving and i'll be his non-slutty girlfriend for christmas.
and then ....
he stays my gay friend and my parents think i'm not a slut.
had to go back to that apartment this morning to get my other boot. it was tacked to the wall
Please. That's just a patriotism boner. I watched Michael phelps win another medal and had to change my underwear.
Nothing screams fatass like a pizza that doesn't fit in your car
Were you the one who yelled "FOR GLORYHOLE!" then punched a hole through my door?
Did my extra credit for a class I badly need to pass at the bar of Friday's.. kind of sum's up my college career. Got a 90 though.
I just used a coke ridden $20 bill to buy Girl Scout cookies
Im so sorry for peeing on your chest.
Interlocking vagina powers go!!'
Oh god, your drunk again aren't you?
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