ive never been so in love with another man before, in a totally none sexual way... no homo
saw "Pah-jure" lube. Thought of you. Wearing the same clothes to work tomorrow.
I stayed in, ate a pint of Hagen daas and watched a movie about aids. Soooooooo single.
Crosby and Malkin: Two girls, one cup.
I'm pretty sure the only race ive ever won was to my mothers egg
Life lesson: using the oven as a heater= $500 electric bill
Found out in my property law class that you can sell your eggs for $8000. Helloooo spring break.
hey, sorry about all the butter. I thought it was gonna help.
Call me when your ready for an explanation about the ham in your vagina.
Instead of sending me a picture of his dick, he sent me a drawing of it on drawsomething. This game is getting out of control.
Do you think blood ever gets sick of carrying all these drugs around?
Like, there are so many different things we make it do, and it just wants to settle down and be a one-drug fluid?
Stop reading WebMD high.
Omg he has a washer and dryer IN his apartment and lots of back up toilet paper. I went home with an adult. My uterus is pumping out eggs beyond my control.
Ramen still too hot to eat. Eating it anyway. Stoner girls feel no pain
Somehow I got food poisoning AND alcohol poisoning in the same night. Its like everything I love is trying to kill me. I'm waiting for my tv to make its move.
Got drunk with him at an Irish pub ended up losing him for twenty minutes when I finally find him his piss drunk singing Irish folk music with a group of Irish guys and a midget
He meets the coolest people when he's drunk
I love how when they see that I'm upset their initial response is to offer me ecstasy
Randomize
