just come out here and I will go home with you...
Holy shit! This guy had his hands and feet handcuffed and was scooting across the interstate and we almost hit him because it was so dark. I hate Louisiana.
why do i have 22 missed calls from someone who is literally saved in my phone as bumrape star??
oh great. the only prospects for sex left for the night are douchebag in the ed hardy shirt & frodo-looking ass
fuck it... i'll be the lord of his rings
ARE YOU ALIVE? usually when i say lets start drinking at inappropriate times you come right over. im worried
I should have some sort of frequent buyer card or something. I just bought my third bottle of Captain this week. It's Wednesday.
I just woke up wearing the O-ring from my dildo harness as a bracelet. Classy.
you had acid sex with the barista. why is my bucket list your tuesday?
I don't know man, I have to ask my girlfriend if I can borrow my balls from her purse.
We're gonna be late. Scott went too far predrinking amd tried pierce his own lip with a poptab. Save me a beer, i'm gonna need it.
I can't feel the bottom half of my face but i feel like our sex would be amazing
I'm going to give you the best blowjob of your life. And yes you can use my mom's printer.
I snapchatted him 4 pictures of me as Tarzan's dad so if he never talks to me again at least we'll know why
I drunkenly said, "That's my future father-in-law!" And everyone made an uncomfortable / disgusted face... including the aforementioined future father-in-law. Maybe I should start dating other people.
I fought off a bull with my bare hands while he went off to have sex with her against a wall. I’m more upset about the fact that no one is acknowledging what I did.
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