My only options right now are Herpes, Gay, or Vanilla.
He set 8 alarms to make sure I took my birth control on time..
his mom and I have the same butterfly tramp stamp. don't ask how that came up
I found her in the bathroom licking her screwdriver off the floor. she said there was no way she was wasting a $6 drink.
Not going outside. I may melt into a puddle of wine
we should look into getting a golf cart for the weekend. i have a feeling legs wont be a sufficient source of transportation.
I'm doing the Macarena naked in my living room right now
I see you're taking unemployment seriously.
I think we need a list of things that are automatic NO's for dating a guy. Married, definitely a no now
I tried to order champagne at IHOP last night
He said he didnt want to choke me, I said im sorry thats a deal breaker.
I was figuring I'd break up with her after work, but before Taco Tuesday
I am one with the molecules
then I ended up getting a lapdance from my TA...I love college.
I just put a pill up my vagina. It was little like a quail egg. There is so much happening up there right now.
I'm not saying it wasn't great. I'm just saying sleeping with a gassy, depressed,45 year old mother was a different experience. Would do it again though.
Randomize
