are you still at the devil's house?
I spilled a beer on myself, so I went back to my place to change. The city marshall was at my door with a warrant. That beer cost me 760 bucks.
My unemployment check should really just be direct-deposited into the checking account of my drug dealer
Been drinkin since 3, wearing a tutu, how could things go wrong
we just watched the ball drop on the spanish channel. best mistake of my life.
17 year olds will be the death of me.
Just saw some girl biking on campus with a babyseat on the front. Baby included. Do you know how many points that'd be worth?
it was the drunk execution of a sober decision, and its much more tasteful than the first mullet
An hour ago, you were stranded out of state, and now you're getting laid? You are a god. Whatever you do, don't ask her name.
also, made a drinking game out of my birthday photos....drink everytime alcohol is in a photo. going through all 350 of them.
As soon as he came we went to Dairy Queen. That drive through lady was very condescending about our "just fucked" ice cream.
I just traded sex to frolic with a box of husky puppies. Is this rock bottom?
He told me to grab his penis so I did and swung it around and said “awe, it looks like the wacky inflatable tube man.
I've never seen anyone as high as you were.. you collapsed onto the kitchen floor hugging a tub of ice cream. You named it phil.
He screamed, "Let there be light!" when he came
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