I'm like a rollypolly, I only open my legs up when I feel safe.
I would make tea from her tampons just to see her tits
...you put a chicken patty in my toaster last night..
You know the gilmore girls would be alright if it was on mute the whole time
I thought he was kidding when he said pretend to be a dunkin donut delivery women. This is the last time I ever role play.
Very nice. It looks like a Fisher-Price My First Dildo, but still very nice.
We really need to stop competing to see who can get more drunk, and I REALLY need to stop winning.
I saw he had me in his phone as "the fat twin"
Update: we are pushing the start of day drinking back from 9 am to 10 am. Minor delay.
Do not buy whiskey under any circumstances. There should be a UN sanctioned buffer zone between me and Seagrams.
Okay hun. Well my neighbors haven't called the cops yet so I think we're good. No more burning in the yard.
Our music was glorious. Maidens were deflowered to the sound of my voice.
I'm at a first year old's birthday party and a midget dressed as a cop just showed up. Word is we're going to toss and bowl with him. Updates to come.
I gave my girlfriend a ring to celebrate our anniversary, she thought It was an engagement ring. Now im getting married and I don't know what to do.
this dude is way too smart. he just explained to me the different scientific components of drugs while we smoked. i said i loved icecream.
Randomize
