Well you will be happy to know that aaron carter hit on me
She just asked to stimulate my prostate, man law requires you come pick me up
I told you it's awful. It looks like he was eating honey at a barbershop and tripped.
He was about to puke, and so I handed him an empty beer can. In retrospect, not very helpful.
He walked into the party with a case on one shoulder and a boom box on the other of course I fucked him
I don't have enough holes for all these australians
No, he's fine. He only wanted to know why there were traffic pylons in the living room and how the peanut butter got on the ceiling.
promise me that when we are 32, we will look nothing like Kim Zolciak. Promise me right this instant.
Driving by his house every hour is not stalking, it's a reconnaissance mission... How else can I confront him
I have to answer enough questions about you, I don't need your uterus tossed in the conversation.
And the sky opened up and god said.... "WET T-SHIRT CONTEST!!!!"
I'm going to start charging you rent if you keep leaving your random conquests on my living room couch the morning after
I was intimate with him for twenty minutes and will be intimate with shame for twenty years.
It's official: I now only own one pair of jeans that I haven't blown the crotch out of. It might be time to put a stop to red wine Wednesdays.
You mean, in addition to red wine every-fucking-days?
Fucked a DJ on a jetski today... I love florriidaaa!
Randomize
