I think the only thing that impresses me are nice penises...and Jesus. Jesus would impress me. Especially if he walked on water again.
this is a mass text to all the people i smoke weed with. I have Mono, so if we've shared a bong/pipe. sorry man.
We tried to get a ride from the same firefigters that were turning off the fire alarm going off at our house.
i always knew that i'd have sex in your room, i just assumed it would be with you
I slept in bed with them the night they met. I once peed on the bride. And now I get to give a speech at their wedding. Piece of cake.
He doesn't belong with God. He belongs face-down in a pile of his own excrement, vomit, blood and semen. Then pissed on by Satan.
Update is I am officially king of Gettysburg. Tam and I are being threaded like royakt. In bought e ruined a drink
begin the sex magic rocket ship countdown
Sad Megan is Sad
Have you been drinking my beer?
Doing the walk of shame and bringing my dad a newspaper en route. Favourite daughter status confirmed.
I just spent 20 mins in the shower washing n rewashing my body to get rid of stripper. I even loofa'd my face.
Literally if she wants to make a big deal, I'd rather have shit smeared on my face.
I can't remember much from that party after we snapchatted my dancing boobs to all of her contacts
Settled one third of the tab. Am going back for sex. Love you, make friends
only i would get cock blocked by a cop
Randomize
