my drunken desire to be gossip girl continues to ruin friendships for me
I think we should boobie trap our beer this time using duct tape, rubber bands, seran wrap, and urine. Trust me I have a plan and it will work.
Soooo, if his status went from married to single and he deleted all the pictures of his kids does that mean he's up for dibbs?
I drunkenly asked a stripper to join our volleyball team.
True. I'd rather snort cocaine off a homeless guy then work on the weekend...Actually that may not be that bad.
I can feel his 12 year old sister"s eyes barreling into my soul everytime I'm at there house..some how she knows I'm cheating on her brother or she's mad cause I stole her shirt.
Because once my penis is in motion, it stays in motion unless another force acts upon it.
I tackled a mailbox like a linebacker. He almost broke his hip and his friend lit a bottle rocket off inside of the car. Yes it was a successful night.
You fucked him. I baby bird fed him whiskey . I feel like we've bonded.
Megan brought her friend up last night, greeted her by drunkedly taking a piss all over her duffle bag of clothing
To give you an idea, there's a group upstairs trying to break down a door with their fists and heads.
I'm tryin a pb and onion sandwich now
Please smoke with me until I agree that sounds like a good idea
I saved a sauce packet from taco bell that said "Free me" to use in my next break up.
You are currently doing Harry Potter spells with the turkey-baster...
I need to stop using "I went to the Harry Potter theme park" as my pickup line.
Randomize
