haha my mom just sent us out to go to all of the hair cutting places to ask for hair because deer ate all our zuchini.. and we have to pee in a bucket all day cause deer hate urine. please tell me we are normal?
i cant lie to you.
it really sends the message that i like to impregnate mortal women and have them birth fantastic half man-half god infants.
he actually proposed, and i threw up on him...i guess 5 glasses of wine was a bad idea.
Ihop lady gave me free pancakes for being sober this time
Aqua-barf. When you are about to puke in the toilet but pass out face first instead...and then puke. WITH YOUR FACE IN THE BOWL. There is no escaping the puke ring you have on your face. I know first hand.
Did you ask me to bring you a t-shirt to class or did I just dream that?
No, I did. It's a long story.
Btw I'm currently writing a paper in a beer garden. Be proud.
I. Did. In fact. Sprain. My liver. This. Weekend.
Last time we had an ultimatum like that, things went very far south. I'm down, but it's your turn to wake up in a hospital.
Welp, I can cross "making out with a guy in a dress" off my bucket list...
Prerry sure I narrowly avoided being tazed by a swat cop last night... But on the up side, we found my purse.
I discovered a new stretch mark. DONE. LITERALLY DONE.
She posted a pic of her bf on ig wishing him a happy bday at midnight. She then proceeded to have sex with me. Who is the bday boy again?
At 38 I had to open a Snapchat account to communicate with my 21 yr bf. where is my life going.
To this day, I regret not having sex in the bathroom
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