Last nIght I drank wIth the new guy from fellowshIp & my pastor I've known sInce I was 7. It was agreed by them that I had nIce tIts. I'm not weIrded out In fact I'm flattered...
She refers to my dick as princess Sarah... oddly I'm okay with that.
and then you went into taco bell without pants...and surprisingly you weren't the only one there without pants
I just found a bagel and a condom in my coat pocket. I love blackouts
this is never going to happen for me, I think he thinks I'm crazy
well you did scream "PLEASE! I'LL S YOUR D IN FRONT OF EVERYONE"
4 random people called me telling me they found him sleeping in the fetal postion on a driveway 45 minutes after we lost him
I barely even remember him. He is just a distant beard in my past.
at the end of the day, college isnt gonna be for everyone... and some of us are just going to have to learn how to breathe underwater while sucking cock.
He's getting me an energy drink and said good morning beautiful. He must sense i'm cutting him off from the sex.
It's fine. I wouldn't trust either of them to be my workplace drug buddy.
I'm pretty sure that our Lady and The Tramp Red Vine moment was the farthest I got last night
So how did it go?
I'm not sure if it was all the eggnog or all the alcohol, but hosting an eggnog pong tournament was a mistake.
Because bro, I don't want your dick being touched mid conversation.
driving home hungover today was like a life test..it was like the goblet of fire
Don't worry about me. I am infinite.
Randomize