Hahaha figures, hmm should I spank you? Or throw a cow at you?
My sis friend said it was fake then described it as "scary"...greatest adj ever applied to my dick
As my groomsman, I expect you to learn the Thriller dance with me before next September.
Hey sis... Don't forget moms day is this sun. And don't get her another gift while you are freakin high this time. The vibrator was embarrassing.
FYI the vibrator was a SUCCESS. She was in a much better mood this last year. Maybe you should get high this time and get a great gift
Ps if we're still living vicariously through each other, you had sex on a beach last night
honestly, i just want you to have sex with him too so that you can fully understand my appreciation of his dick as well.
id one day like to live in a world full of emotionless and wonderfully fullfilling sex...
thought a girl was checking me out today. took me like 5 minutes to realize it was a mannequin
my talents include tricking people into giving me money and free drugs
It's 1pm, she's in the shower, I don't have the guts tell her I wasn't her blind date. Someone got stood up.
Have you ever eaten pizza and gotten your dick sucked at the same time? Because I have pizza.
We'd like to invite you to our threesome! Lingerie is encouraged and drinks will be provided. Next Friday, roommate night, my bedroom. Hope to see you there!
taking shots alone in my kitchen before I go learn to give a lapdance. when did this become my life?
Couch. On fire.
now whenever i pass that house all i can think about is how i pooped in their yard..
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