I can't get in trouble, i'm smoking a bong in the office right now
I would have at least made out with you if you were showered.
was stoked on phone sex until he started reciting lines from star wars
This kid is too lonely to be my drug dealer.
Sooo just headbutted a stripper, meet you outside
You insisted on calling your mixture of Bacardi & powdered milk "a Jamacian Facial."
He just invited me over to bang on a sunday afternoon. If I can make it top the time I went to a strip club on fathers day then I'll consider it a success.
My first drink last night was a 2-liter of jameson and coke. So hung over it hurt to put my pants back on
Hypothetically how does one go about throwing away a dildo?
I am gifting my birthday sex to you, but its okay because I can always just have birthday vibrator.
When you glanced over and and mouthed "I'll take the fat chick" I knew it was going to be an epic Sunday night.
I really don’t want to have kids.
I thought we agreed we were done with dirty talk for the day
Stop talking and go back to bed. You're in the kitchen in your underwear and slept in your car.
Did you make it home alright?
No I'm sitting under a tree by a cricket. He's alone crying out for someone to Fuck him. This guy gets me.
I am not even ashamed to say it, I got laid in the stairwell of the hotel, by a 29 year old. It was awesome!
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